The Reality Of My Delusions And Hallucinations

There is nothing more disconcerting for me than my delusions and hallucinations.

They occur every day.

When my wife is available, I will oftentimes get a “reality check,” which definitely helps.

I don’t share any of the things I share with you, under the notion that you should in some way, feel sorry for me. I just want you to better understand me.

So, my schizophrenia symptoms happen when I write, too.

They happen all throughout the day.

I often question whether I am in a simulation, or whether I am just living a life that all-out sucks.

I question the existence of a higher power when I see evidence (a whole lot of evidence sometimes) to the contrary.

I guess oftentimes, I just don’t know what is real.

This is schizophrenia.

Also, the more information I get out on the blog, the more I feel as though I am being watched, and I feel persecuted for telling the things I tell.

Schizophrenia is my Achilles heel. I did not ask for this, I would not wish this upon any of my enemies (of which I do dislike a few people).

My condition is not a death sentence, but it is some real deal bullshit.

14 thoughts on “The Reality Of My Delusions And Hallucinations

  1. Some of my friends with schizophrenia developed it alongside their childhood trauma. In some way perhaps, it was the way their brains developed to cope, alongside a latent vulnerability to psychosis.

    One thing they have told me is the huge stigma they face, and the fear of losing friends due to the stigma. I always felt sad they experience this fear due to the stigma. You, like them, are brave, and deserve good friends.


  2. Real Bullsh*t, I love that. It’s never easy living with mental illness. I had episodes of psychosis some years ago, now I only experience hallucinations. I have a physical disorder which affects my sleep patterns and when I go without sleep for more than 40+ hours, I start to see and hear things others don’t. Hubby’s used to it and is very supportive. But he does think I need to see a Doctor lol. I was a mental health nurse for many years before I got physically sick so the voices and visions don’t bother me too much.

    Keep telling your ‘story’, it’s important. Caz x


    1. Thanks for the encouragement on telling my story. That means a lot! Yeah, mental health stories need to be told, and I am unsure that there’s enough of them being laid out there with regards to the schizophrenia type disorders. Thank you again.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree, it’s mainly on anxiety and depression so more about schizophrenia would be great.. So you carry on and get the message out there. I’m happy for you to do a guest post on my blog if you’d like?
        Stay safe and well, Caz x


      2. Love it, and just waiting for a pic from you 🙂 Then we’re ready to go – thank you, I love how honest and open you are about your life and your thoughts. Amazing. Caz x


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