Some Late-Night Mental Health Woes

As I sit here, locked away in this home day after day, it’s only natural to wonder if there’s anything “different” for me.

Rest assured, there’s not.

My suffering will begin and end with me and my “choices.”

You know, the ones that were bestowed upon me?

I told my wife tonight, “I want to die.”

She incorrectly assumed a few things based on that statement, which wasn’t a problem. So, I elaborated.

I want the pain and mental anguish of having schizoaffective disorder to end!

I don’t wish to rush death, I can be patient. Death will get me soon enough. It gets everyone soon enough.

And, that was our conversation just before bed.

I have a very supportive wife, who was once a mental health nurse, who works hard, and who “gets me” and my situation.

I am more stable with her, and am able to speak about the schizophrenia type disorders here, because of her.

Regardless of how these chips have fallen, I am blessed.


  1. It’s OK to be upset with where some chips have landed, while feeling blessed about other chips in your life. ❤ All humans want a life of purpose and meaning, after all. 🙂



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