I Want To Live, But Due To My Illness, I Cannot

This is likely something that many of us are dealing with.

At least I am dealing with it, and I would like to hear from others, as to how they might relate.

I feel like I’ve lost so many years due to my mental illness, and I am still losing years.

For those in recovery, and having lost their jobs (in a lot of cases, having lost everything), I’d sincerely like to hear how regaining employment, will help you to “live.”

I mean, if you’ve had a definite remission of your symptoms, then I understand. A renewed sense of dignity? I get it.

For me, my symptoms have never been in remission. And, I can’t even volunteer because of them.

So, blogging about my life (its wins and its losses), will have to be my source of dignity.

Because I won’t get it from not showering or from not brushing my teeth enough. Or from losing a number of “friends” because I now have boundaries. And so on.

(I am reminded that at least I had “friends.”)

“Living” is what I find missing from my life. But, I also think of life differently today, then I did, say 20 years ago (which may account for the emphasis I put on “living”).

20 years ago, before my diagnosis, I had connection.

It may have been superficial and flighty, but I had it.

Today, I have some connection, but I can’t take care of myself worth a damn. So, it makes doing all the other stuff I did before, seem like I am missing out now, since I can’t do those things anymore.

Again, I’d like to hear from all of you about how you’re “living” your lives. What you’re doing, what it takes, etc.

That and I hope this post finds each of you well!

18 thoughts on “I Want To Live, But Due To My Illness, I Cannot

    1. I totally empathise with what you are saying. Maybe living is a difficult concept for many of us. Sometimes coping with being ill is an easier concept to deal with? Recovery can be an extremely slow thing. Living is a challenge for so many battling mental illness. Even small steps like getting out of bed are to be celebrated.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Great post! I thin this is something a lot of us struggle with. I definitely see a lot of change in my life since being diagnosed. I used to be a lot more outgoing and adventurous and I still try to be but it takes a lot more effort.


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