For the past few weeks, I have been living with suicidal thoughts. And, while I don’t intend on acting on this intrusive thinking, it is quite difficult to live this way.
Every day, there has been a significant amount of distress in my camp.
On top of battling schizoaffective disorder, which includes, for me, thwarting off suicidal thinking, I maintain this blog.
And, I want to use my voice to tell you that what I go through is not normal, it’s not the blues, and it’s anything but fun!
The suicidal thoughts come and go, but my illness as a whole is always there. Somewhere in the mix.
About Suicide Awareness…
If you know someone is having thoughts of suicide, try and engage them.
For all intents and purposes, it is the rare person who has suicidal thoughts, but has 0 intention on following through with them.
I am one, who, while I struggle, I do not plan to do anything to harm myself. People with the kinds of thoughts I have, definitely need to be in some kind of treatment though!
Of which, I am.
I hope everyone is safe and please be well!
Mentally Ill In America 
I hope this particular flare-up doesn’t last too much longer.
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Me too!
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I’m sorry that you have to deal with it, it can be so exhausting. I hope your treatment provider can maybe help you to relief some of the suffering.
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I spoke to them about it the other day. I just have to wait it out. I am already maxed out in the various meds I take daily. Thanks for your concern though!
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I hope you’ll feel better soon!
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Thank you!
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I am sorry you have to go through this, I hope that things get better
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Thank you!
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It’s brave of you to not just admit your mental illness but that suicide ideology is a huge part of what we have to deal with (not all but some) on a day to day basis. At least for me it is, Im bipolar, with a fun mix of dissociation disorder and PTSD (at the hands of “treatments” by these doctors who think because they read a book or two in the required college ciriculum that they know what the hell it is to mourn every morning.
It’s brave of you to admit the intrusive suicide thoughts that plague you and for some reason I’m not embarrassed by my bi polarbut I cannot come to tell my doctor about my self harming and the suicide fantasies I have…Good For You
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Thanks. And, your bravery is in identifying your struggles and sharing them with the professionals. One day at a time!
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I feel for you Mio, and I hope you come out of this horrible phase soon. I can only imagine how it must feel like ‘you’re never better’ and each day brings another hard slog just to feel ‘okay-ish’.
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Yeah, it’s tough. My goal is just to articulate the struggle. In some weird way, that helps.
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I’m glad it helps. And I know it helps lots of others make sense of how life is when you have a mental health disorder. So you keep it up 🙂
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I’m sorry you have to go through this – I get periods of suicide ideation too and it is exhausting and scary. But it helps to know that I’m not alone and I’m not going crazy – thank you for writing about this openly. I hope you are ok 🙂
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Thanks so much! I’m getting through! It helps to talk about it. Thank you for listening and for commenting.
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