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Keeping Good Boundaries: When People Perceive My Being Kind For My Being Well

I recently reconnected with someone from my past, who knew a different version of myself. Not that my being different in the past matters really, but our knowing each other, took place just before (and during) my becoming full-blown ill.

We caught up pretty quickly, and one of her last questions to me during the process of us getting reacquainted, was… “Are you working?”

I immediately went into “defense” mode, but not overtly.

After all, she knew me when I first became full-blown ill (I was a student at the time), and as I am often paranoid… I was indeed bothered by her question!

I felt that I was very kind during our communication, but somehow (and maybe this is on her), I also felt that I was inevitably being judged for my answer.

“No, I blog. I have a site actually, and I am told that it sometimes helps people.”

While I didn’t feel bad for making this revelation, I did feel bad because she asked me the question at all!

And, this is where it gets tricky…

I was working early on, while attending school. But, there was some definite distance between my working and my completing my degree.

My point… I was basically left with the idea, that it’s always going to be the question that people, in general, ask.

And, it doesn’t matter who asks it. The question will always be a variation of, “What do you do for work?”


No, I am not. Put simply… I cannot!

If all disabled people could work, I am certain many more of us would be!

I know I would!

What do you think? Is this a “me” issue (in other words, is this “me” having a bad attitude), or do people basically, lack depth and/or common sense? What are your experiences with this type of thing? Is some of it a “boundaries” problem?

7 thoughts on “Keeping Good Boundaries: When People Perceive My Being Kind For My Being Well Leave a comment

  1. I understand first hand the pressure imposed on us by people just doing small talk like – What is your job? Where are you working now? It is a very difficult question to receive when your “work” is taking care of your mental health. I know that first hand. A good friend will listen when you say that “work” is self care and understand or at least try to understand and not judge.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I also think it’s just an ice breaker. People used to ask me all the time, back when I socialized. It’s like the question I get asked alll the time, do you have any kids. People may just be trying to start up the conversation and keeping it light. I used to and sometimes still do get put off by but I just bruash it off. You handled great!

    Liked by 1 person

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