Things I Feel I Must Come To Terms With

While I don’t really want to die, I think a lot about death.

And, because of the problems with current treatments for my schizoaffective disorder, I will likely die of an obesity-related illness.

I know. To some, this will sound defeatist.

But, no matter what I do, I can’t sleep consistently and I am not able to eat less with consistency either.

Both my weight and lack of a consistent sleep routine have caused me a great deal of pain, for at least 20-something years.

And, this isn’t about diet! It’s about how the medications I take affect my weight, sleep routine, and activity level. And, how I’d like to have a better plan of action moving forward.

I try so hard! And, currently, I have about three days a month, where I sleep eight to nine hours straight and feel rested.

Plus, I’ll still need one to three naps, even when I get that amount of sleep.

I do go to bed at the same time every night, but I oftentimes have difficulty staying asleep the whole night.

I guess I’m just writing all of this, because I am worn down and could use some advice.

Maybe this community has some suggestions? I’m open to hearing what you have to say.

Implementing long-lasting change will probably be up for grabs.

But, maybe not.

And, therapy is off the table.


  1. Hope this helps: I’ve been able to cut down on my olanzapine levels very carefully through the years, but it still does bedevil me. Careful, but your doctor could help, if he or she isn’t a meanie. When I tried to quit it for good, I could not sleep at night, that made my psychosis worse. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Sucks majorly. Still rooting for you though. Best of luck.

    Liked by 2 people


  2. I am sorry to hear about meds causing weight gain and sleep issues. I think it is a challenge across the board for people with mental health diagnoses and weight gain. I know it is one of my major challenges. As for sleep, I would have to say that the right meds could help that alot. I take 500mg of clozapine per night and it is virtually never that I have a bad night’s sleep. And sleep is so important to being able to face the day’s challenges. Best of luck to you!

    Liked by 2 people


  3. What is your sleep routine before bed? I started listening to twelve hour rain or water sounds on YouTube through the night it has helped me get decent sleep. Also setting the blue light off on my phone at seven helps I feel. I use to have to eat to sleep but thankfully with my med change it’s gone away. I feel it was some mood trigger thing. I struggle with a large weight gain on abilify thankfully it’s better on latuda but I still choose unhealthy food when I do eat so I’m going to work on that next. Anyway just a few suggestions.

    Liked by 2 people


  4. Sorry to hear about your troubles eating and sleeping. I have trouble sleeping too, and having a wind-down routine at night has been helpful. I have a setting on my computer that adjusts the color of my screen based on the time of day, so if I’m on the computer later at night the screen isn’t as jarring. I’ve also found comfort in putting on a show I love to fall asleep too. Hope you find something that helps!

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s