There Is One Thing More Disturbing Than Your Own Thoughts

The thoughts you perceive others to have.

I wish there were an easy fix to severe mental illness.

Because right now, I’m at a loss for words.

Because right now I feel terrible.

I don’t usually get down on myself all that much, but at present, I’m feeling that between my meds, my illness, and my upbringing, things are quite difficult!

When you have a thought disorder, enter me, the shit is real and the shit is tough!

I want to crawl under a rock, but I have better coping skills than that.

I want to just be told that things are going exactly the way they’re supposed to…

I had a psychiatrist that I saw for close to 15 years, and he was amazing!

I am giving my current psychiatrist every chance, but I have changed so much in the past four or five years, that I don’t think that A) the old doctor would completely know me; and B) the new doctor knows of where I’ve been.

And, the new doctor may very well know all of these things. It is possible.

One thing I’ve got going for me is that I am open, so if there’s a subject or subjects I want to broach with this new physician, I’m going to do it!

Do you have trouble speaking up to your mental health providers? What have the results been when you do?

P.S. I know that what other people think of me is none of my business, but try telling that to me when I’m not doing so well, which seems to be a lot as of late.

10 Comments

  1. For me, I typically have a harder time talking about my mental health with people that are not my therapist (like family and friends). But establishing trust with a new provider can always be such a pain. It sort of feels like an awkward first date – with the added pressure of being the one solely responsible for bearing your soul. Thinking of you and hope you can feel better soon. ❤

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      1. That is so weird! I never get notifications for your comments. I know my WordPress app on my phone is real stupid and if I hit back after submitting a comment the comment disappears. I’m sorry about the issue with the comments and I appreciate you reading

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  2. Therapy for me is a mixed bag. I have yet to find a therapist with my already knowledge of what to do and understanding the concepts to break through to the hard core stuff that blocks me. They to often want to give me homework which I’m aware of on my own and not deal with the trauma of having a valid mental illness. Like where did it stem from what triggers what etc. Yes I have black and white thinking a worksheet isn’t going to help me in particular figure it out. Or I’ve had complete rubbish therapist who were more detrimental then helpful. I guess they’re is a lack of connection I just can’t get.

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    1. I hated getting assigned homework in therapy. I would forget to do it then be stressed out that my therapist would judge me or think I wasn’t serious, which just made therapy another stressful thing I had.

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  3. I could never open up to my therapist. I always put a positive spin to make it look like I was doing better. I had a psychiatrist for a year and I was able to open up a ton her her. I tried my same BS, but she was the first person that I felt was a step ahead of me. Normally I (probably we?) have gone through 20 different variations of the conversation before it even takes place. This doctor let me talk and talk and talk, and when I was done she said what I guess I needed to hear. It was a 3 second pause and she goes ‘bullshit.’ and suddenly my face was making all kinds of water. I had to stop seeing her and I never got as deep as I needed to, but that was the closest I’ve been to letting someone else in my head.

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