My Frustration With Not Having Enough Energy

My not having enough energy to do basic tasks is difficult for me.

There was a time when I had energy, but that time has passed.

It’s a lot to handle to be honest.

I have a lot of suicidal ideations, but have no plan to do anything about them.

I just endure. Endure. Endure.

That is life with chronic mental illness.

I also recognize that chronic illness in general is tough!

Thus, it’s difficult to know where to turn some days!

Lately, I’ve been putting my efforts into discovering new music.

Billie Eilish and Adele each have new music I am listening to!

I love female artists!

Just when will women rule the world?

I think they’re on their way! 🙂

Can We Ever Understand Another Person’s Suffering?

For those who don’t understand severe mental illness, I have made attempts at times to show you, the reader, what it’s like.

I am unsure, however, that I could ever succeed!

I think you have to have a close loved one have it, in order for you to truly get it.

Some of the things I presently deal with (as things cycle a lot), are suicidal ideation, depression and not wanting to do anything, lack of energy and not able to do a lot, plus delusions and hallucinations.

Most of the above symptoms are mainstays, but there are times when my suicidal ideations are better, and that’s about the only real difference for me.

Anyhow, I don’t figure many people will come to understand the chronic suffering.

I take meds, and there are lots of people who are in full support of that, which makes sense for my diagnosis (schizoaffective disorder), but some of these supporters don’t realize the double edged sword of psych meds.

They don’t heal, they don’t even fix fully, they simply help us to cope… in a rather dismal way much of the time.

Basically, if there is a takeaway on understanding something you don’t understand (and, this applies to many, many illnesses)… it is… give the other person the benefit of the doubt!

I won’t even say “have compassion,” because I think that having compassion can be difficult to come by in today’s society.

What are your thoughts regarding compassion? Do you think it’s an all or none type of thing?

I No Longer Compare Myself To People Who Do Not Have Mental Illness

One of the good things about my first long-term psychiatrist, is that he made every effort to get me to stay awake during the day (as often as I could).

He basically wanted me to be as much like the rest of the world as I could be.

And, I agreed that that made the most sense. At the time especially.

So, I spent years trying to make a schedule I could follow, that had me up during much of the day.

It wasn’t easy, but I now stay awake in the daytime primarily.

Another thing that this doctor did all those years ago, was that he compared me to people who did not have mental illness.

That was okay when I was younger, because it helped me to think about how the rest of the world gets along.

But today, I view any comparison between me and someone who is not chronically ill (for example) as “apples to oranges.”

So, while this first doctor of mine was helpful in getting me to conform ever so slightly, it was actually my getting online and putting myself out there in the blogosphere, that had me see some of my biggest strides.

A lot has changed!

And, that could have much to do with where I am at today as compared to where I was a decade plus ago.

For instance, I used to be single and lonely. And now, I have a partner and am usually only lonely when she’s not around.

In any event, I did not envision the life I now have, but am grateful for it!

Things are still very difficult though, and probably always will be.

I just have to take life a day at a time, and that helps me to get by.

Why do you suppose us humans like to take things a day at a time?

My guess is that we have so many responsibilities, that is would be virtually impossible to NOT do so.

Thanks for reading and please leave a comment!

A Final Post On Mental Health Awareness For The Month

There is much to be aware of in the world.

Unfortunately, the topic of mental health is all too often treated with apathy and disrespect.

The fact that I know this is good, but it also means that people like me, need to be out there, contributing and sharing… in whatever way we can!

Life is so short and we have to continue to try to make things better. Not just for ourselves but for others…

We must do what we can! Each and every time!

Be well all…

How One Person With Mental Illness Does Self-Care

Confusion is a real thing for me (as mentioned in the previous post), but I do self-care primarily through suggestions/reminders/affirmations.

In fact, “Words of Affirmation” is my love language—for those who subscribe to that sort of thing.

I make recordings!

Anything about the stuff I want to reinforce in my life, within the scope of illness management and change.

I think the sort of thing I do with my recordings is rare and “quite different.”

So much so that many people often disregard it out of the gate!

But, if you’re the type of person bent on growth, you’ll give it some thought, before excusing it along with the person with mental illness, suggesting it!

(Actually, one’s mental health may or may not factor in to your decision to give this a try.)

My recordings are personal to me, and while I could share snippets, that defeats the purpose of you using your own creativity and imagination to get the job done!

What do I do with my recordings exactly?

I am being my own best friend, by talking to myself and recording my voice for playback.

And, that’s my present reminder/self-care strategy.

You’re reinforcing the pertinent things and even making an album of your thoughts.

They can go in the direction of anything that is positive, helpful, and soothing.

If you would talk to your friend in a way that compliments them or captures something special about who they are, you can do that through reminders and self-care affirmations, for yourself as well.

Things are okay today (one day at a time), and I owe that to my self-care suggestions/reminders/affirmations.

Have any of you ever tried recording your own voice, saying something positive or uplifting? I’m excited to know!

And, if you have made some recordings, what did you say to yourself? 🙂

To Be Human Is To Be Alive

I suppose there is some truth to this title, since deceased humans can’t really weigh-in. :/

What is your feeling about the other part of life (I.e. having a zest for life)?

With all the confusion I experience, there is little to no “zest for life.”

Rather, there is a desire (at this time) to be here, and some gratitude for being alive.

This can all change in a moment, if I were to have compounded medical problems.

My hope is that more medical issues wouldn’t change things, but they certainly could.

Thus, I do what I do each day, these days, to try and create an atmosphere, where I want to and am able to get some sort of nutrition and exercise (among other wants).

And, I do this by recording and playing back my very own affirmations, beliefs, quotes, sayings, and (ideal) experiences.

And, for the record, having made these recordings and playing them back, is a lot better than listening to anyone else definitively telling you what you should think! 🙂

By now, I am doing alright with creating simplistic background music too, which helps to keep me focused on the words I am speaking.

I get a bit of a thrill listening to my voice, telling me what I should think and feel—with options no less!

Options are important!

So yes, it helps to reinforce these things, and it takes a lot of time to figure many of them out!

As someone battling severe mental illness, I can only hope that I continue down this non-delusional path of personal growth, and in a way that helps rather than hurts.

Thanks for reading, and if you would, please share some things that you do ritualistically, that serve to help you with your days!

If You’ve Read Any Part Of My Blog, Then You Know…

That I make an effort every day to make my illness more manageable.

Yes, it is difficult, but I shall not give up!

I fight hard every day to have some semblance of peace and happiness.

I also have a partner who is sticking things out with me, and I with her.

There are no easy solutions that I’ve found involving chronic illness.

You just have to do your best and make the effort.

Even when things are tough!

Something that tends to make the day brighter is diet soda.

I know… that probably sounds funny. 🙂

But, I’ve recognized that five cans spread out over the course of eight hours, seems to do me good.

What about with you? What is your relationship with caffeine or even sugar? Tell us something about your approach to these chemicals.

Btw – If you don’t do caffeine, I’d like to hear about that too!

Carving Out What I Believe In Relationship To Spiritual Role Models (A Poem)

Potential Trigger Warning: Religion (but, not toxic religion… some people will like it)!

Who’s to say what’s true and what isn’t, but I believe…

In the principles taught by Jesus Christ.

I believe in the kind of man Jesus was said to be.

I tend not to believe in the Christians or Christian churches representing him back then, on into today.

I subscribe to my interpretation of how matters were, in both the world and in other people’s hearts—then and now.

There are many similarities to things occurring back then/now, and quite a few differences as well!

The very nature of matters further addresses why no one can know what’s true and what isn’t.

In my view, the only right position for the truth seeker, is to find a model to believe in, and cautiously put their trust in them.

And, I find it easiest to do that with Jesus Christ—in the version I acknowledge him as being.

It’s a version that embraces work done by scientists, physicians, educators, and the like—not even by Christians necessarily.

Long live a Jesus Christ… just not in the toxic sense! 🙂