Today, I talked about death to my wife.
I want to die.
But, do I really?
To me and for me, when I talk about death, it is an escape.
Not actually dying, but discussing the topic.
I wonder if just anyone can do this.
I wonder whether just anyone can openly share their feelings, when it may be considered suicidal ideation.
But, I can.
It’s something I’ve grown into.
And, it helps me.
Does talking about death or dying help you? In what way(s) can you comment?
As I sit here, locked away in this home day after day, it’s only natural to wonder if there’s anything “different” for me.
Rest assured, there’s not.
My suffering will begin and end with me and my “choices.”
You know, the ones that were bestowed upon me?
I told my wife tonight, “I want to die.”
She incorrectly assumed a few things based on that statement, which wasn’t a problem. So, I elaborated.
I want the pain and mental anguish of having schizoaffective disorder to end!
I don’t wish to rush death, I can be patient. Death will get me soon enough. It gets everyone soon enough.
And, that was our conversation just before bed.
I have a very supportive wife, who was once a mental health nurse, who works hard, and who “gets me” and my situation.
I am more stable with her, and am able to speak about the schizophrenia type disorders here, because of her.
Regardless of how these chips have fallen, I am blessed.
I am trying, trying real hard.
I struggle. A lot.
I know there is no easy way out.
It wasn’t until last year, that I got excited about the idea of assisted suicide.
I think it’s a good idea, but not one for me. Not at this point.
Things would have to be quite unbearable for me to personally require this service.
But, for others… I get it.
I have a 90-year old grandparent and they recently told me, “I just want to die.”
I don’t see anything wrong with that, though I’d be sad to see them go.
We can never fully be in another’s shoes.
The question I ask is, “how much help do you offer the person before bidding them farewell?”
Something to think about for the future perhaps.
Oh yeah, VOTE in your own self-interest! Please…
It should be common sense, but it isn’t.