One Might Think It Would Be Easier: My New Rules For Caffeine Consumption

Many times when I’m on the verge of discovering something i.e. having a breakthrough, I have this series of moments, whereby I think to myself, wow… I can see this or I can see that… and, I can feel how difficult it was to get here… but, why is it so difficult to begin with?

I am grateful to overcome challenges when I do, but each time I make strides, it is often followed up with… “yep… that could have been easier!”

And, it’s not easy… for anyone… but more difficult for the chronically mentally ill.

In my experience, in order for things to get easier, you have to plug into your self-awareness, and experiment, experiment, experiment.

It works, and that is one reason why I remain open minded (especially in the sense that we are all human beings, each of us trying to make and find our way, etc).

In case you are wondering, the epiphany I had today was that caffeine helps me, and that for me personally, I need to have it. And, a lot of it.

And so, I am drinking diet soda vs. regular soda, in an effort to keep my teeth from rotting out and my sugar intake to a minimum.

This may all sound weird, but I basically decided to make caffeine available to me most hours of the day.

Yes, I get anxious… but, anxiety is something I am generally willing to deal with, to (hopefully) feel more alive!

Will see if this is the ticket or not, to feeling “decent” for more than two days in a row, which I’ve never really been able to do (that I can recall).

So yes, I would appreciate feeling more alive/energetic, and believe that relying on caffeine is going to have to be the ticket to my getting there.

That said, what is your relationship with caffeine? And, what are your “rules” surrounding it?

It Is That I Am Aware (A Poem)

I am aware of all that can go wrong.
While being aware of that which could go right.
I am an optimist.
But, I lean on the pessimistic side of life.
Right now that is.
Things can get better.
It will require teamwork.
But, do people know how to work together?
This is my concern.
Can we do it as one?
We could join hands and sing “Kumbaya.”
But, that’s precisely what we don’t want to do.
Right now that is.
Things can get better.

Progress Is A Battle

When I am alone… that’s a battle.

When I am with others… that’s a battle.

When I am on the phone, in public, or hanging out with my wife… That’s a battle.

Just making you aware of my battle is a battle.

And, becoming more self-aware… that is a battle.

This is a battle I was forced to take on. There was no choice in the matter.

Having undergone therapy and having gotten involved with personal development, I thought it would somehow end.

It hasn’t. And, it won’t.

I just want to write about my experiences with mental illness to possibly help others.

BS’ing One Another And Ourselves

Okay. We all BS one another, but do we BS ourselves?

Yes, we absolutely do.

At this time, I am BS’ing myself on something I am sure.

But, what?

I don’t know off the top of my head.

What it’s not, though, is the severity of my schizoaffective disorder.

Sorry, if you were looking for that to be the object of my BS affection, but that’s not it!

Chronic mental illness just plain stinks.

It really does.

There’s no way around it but through, yet it still won’t go away.

You can focus on what’s working, what’s going right… And, not accentuate all the bad shit… but, it is still an unbelievably difficult phenomenon to be dealing with.

For all those with mental illness, I applaud you, and encourage your being in treatment.

And, to sound a little like every other mental health advocate out there…

Together, we can spread awareness, help one another, and squash stigma!