My Life Today (July 2022)

I started this blog just before the pandemic hit in March 2020.

I had several things I wanted to address for myself with this blog, and I feel that nearly 2.5 years into it, I have accomplished all of my original goals.

Some of what I was wanting to learn starting in 2020, was how my symptoms stacked up against other people struggling with schizoaffective disorder.

Of interest were my fears of the government, and what I needed to do to see some of those fears dissipate.

Also of note was me finding the sense of community I have found here on WordPress.

And finally, I wanted to share my lived experiences with severe mental illness with each of you.

To date, I have done all of that and more!

So, in this post, my focus is to share a bit about the life I’ve been living this past year.

My wife/partner and I moved to a different home a year ago (while opportunities were still good for both buying and selling a home).

We only moved across town, but at times, it feels like we changed cities altogether!

My wife works in a professional setting while I help to take care of our three dogs at home.

I am disabled due to having chronic mental illness, and life is not all that fun for me much of the time.

I actually live for the moments I get to spend with my wife, and try super hard to do my daily chores, as well as keep up with my personal hygiene.

Living a life with severe mental Illness is difficult (even though I don’t have a lot to do and have difficulty doing it)!

It often feels like I do have a lot though, because the tasks in question are such a challenge for me to complete!

In a nutshell, my life could be defined as my never giving up and trying no matter what the situation may be.

In closing, I like writing for my blog and hope you enjoy reading it!

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

If You’ve Read Any Part Of My Blog, Then You Know…

That I make an effort every day to make my illness more manageable.

Yes, it is difficult, but I shall not give up!

I fight hard every day to have some semblance of peace and happiness.

I also have a partner who is sticking things out with me, and I with her.

There are no easy solutions that I’ve found involving chronic illness.

You just have to do your best and make the effort.

Even when things are tough!

Something that tends to make the day brighter is diet soda.

I know… that probably sounds funny. 🙂

But, I’ve recognized that five cans spread out over the course of eight hours, seems to do me good.

What about with you? What is your relationship with caffeine or even sugar? Tell us something about your approach to these chemicals.

Btw – If you don’t do caffeine, I’d like to hear about that too!

3 AM Thoughts

There is no easy way to say it.

For me, life is tough.

Not life can be tough or life is sometimes tough.

Life is tough.

So, having established that, I ask myself, “how can I make my life easier?”

Because, to some degree, I have power over my life and my life’s choices.

Things that are in my control, is where I will focus.

And, per my example today, I can control the words I use.

Words have power!

They are influential.

Words can make all the difference in how you are treated!

Words, however, don’t guarantee that you will be heard, but they are important…

I try and be encouraging when I can, but there are times (like in this post category), where I say whatever I am feeling, and I do that with my words.

I have learned that I get more personal satisfaction out of being kind (in a general sense), and by saying things in an inviting way.

Inviting as in, people will oftentimes entertain what I have to say, if I am, above all else, kind.

Not everyone is going to care about what I am saying, though, and that is evident in the words others use back to me (or don’t use back to me).

Anyhow, this is just an important observation about using one’s words, and doing so positively – which (admittedly), I sometimes struggle doing.

One Might Think It Would Be Easier: My New Rules For Caffeine Consumption

Many times when I’m on the verge of discovering something i.e. having a breakthrough, I have this series of moments, whereby I think to myself, wow… I can see this or I can see that… and, I can feel how difficult it was to get here… but, why is it so difficult to begin with?

I am grateful to overcome challenges when I do, but each time I make strides, it is often followed up with… “yep… that could have been easier!”

And, it’s not easy… for anyone… but more difficult for the chronically mentally ill.

In my experience, in order for things to get easier, you have to plug into your self-awareness, and experiment, experiment, experiment.

It works, and that is one reason why I remain open minded (especially in the sense that we are all human beings, each of us trying to make and find our way, etc).

In case you are wondering, the epiphany I had today was that caffeine helps me, and that for me personally, I need to have it. And, a lot of it.

And so, I am drinking diet soda vs. regular soda, in an effort to keep my teeth from rotting out and my sugar intake to a minimum.

This may all sound weird, but I basically decided to make caffeine available to me most hours of the day.

Yes, I get anxious… but, anxiety is something I am generally willing to deal with, to (hopefully) feel more alive!

Will see if this is the ticket or not, to feeling “decent” for more than two days in a row, which I’ve never really been able to do (that I can recall).

So yes, I would appreciate feeling more alive/energetic, and believe that relying on caffeine is going to have to be the ticket to my getting there.

That said, what is your relationship with caffeine? And, what are your “rules” surrounding it?

I Am Truly Realizing The Value Music Brings To My Life

I just spent much of yesterday evening, attempting to find stability with my thoughts.

And, the thing is… this is an every day occurrence… a lack of stable thinking.

I go round and round with the same cyclical thoughts.

I am doing all I can do to stay busy, but… I am just going to worry. And, I cannot stop the angst.

So, me being the forward thinking person I am… I created a music playlist of songs, that I really enjoy. Songs with meaning.

It would seem I like Adult Contemporary music the best!

What kind of music do you enjoy, and are you privy to making your own playlists? What is your approach to music appreciation?

Reflecting On My Goals (A Poem)

The hardest thing is wrestling with my thoughts.
The second hardest thing is dealing with my personal hygiene.
The third hardest thing is trying to stay awake.

It’s all very difficult to face, but these are my hierarchy of troubles.
And, I don’t have time to wait until things improve with age.
I have to start making things happen today.

For at some point, my teeth will rot out of my mouth.
And, my partner won’t want to come near me.

I must work on the difficult personal hygiene issues I face, now. And, every day moving forward.
This is what is right and this is what is necessary.

Because I haven’t been able to overcome my troubling thoughts (at least not at my present age), and I won’t all of a sudden not be tired.
But, I can have decent personal hygiene today.
And, I will do my best to do so starting now.

My American Thanksgiving Was Spent With Family

I’m aware that attitude is everything… but lately, I’ve become more and more cynical, due to my continuing education on America, and its general unwillingness to care/change its ways.

Thanksgiving was challenging, in that I wasn’t sure about traveling, nor was I feeling very “well” for at least half my time there.

I enjoyed myself though (and, the time spent with my wife’s family)… but, I am glad to be settling back into a routine at home.

I am joining a gym tomorrow. And, it is my hope that I can continue to be healthy (I’ve been losing weight for the past few months).

It has always been a one day at a time thing for me, and I’m always trying.

What do you have planned for the holiday season beginning November 1 and ending January 15?

Genetic Diseases Suck

I wanted to share that I wrote three posts between yesterday and today, while accidentally having skipped a number of psych meds, that affect my disposition. But, at least I get certain things out!

There seems to be dementia on both sides of my family. Not to mention, mental illness, which I already have.

And, while I am obese (which obesity runs on one side of the family), I keep trying to find enough happiness/peace/stability, that I can do better with eating and exercising.

I’ve actually lost about 10 pounds since being sick with a cold. The cold is not Covid, and has helped me to realize I need allergy meds. So, I now have those.

Anyway, genetic diseases suck per the post title.

Some day, it will be within more people’s reach to cherry pick their offspring’s genes.

Since I don’t have that kind of money and have NO desire to have children, this is a non-issue for me.

And, while I’m thinking about it… I am damn proud! I am damn proud of the work I’ve done so far in life. I am damn proud of the awareness I sometimes have. And, I am damn proud that I could give a shit less about assholes (with particular attention paid to those I once knew, who have also wronged me).

It’s all good!

Day by day… 🙂

Have a good one!