Happiness (A Poem)

How do I achieve happiness?

I’ve been working hard at identifying my perfectionistic tendencies.

I’ve learned that I have quite a few of them.

I engage in a lifestyle that makes me think happiness is synonymous with perfection.

It may take time before things get better.

A Winter Mental Health Update

Every day is tough!

My psychiatrist is trying to re-build rapport with me, after my meds were notably ineffective during a major life event.

I appreciate his efforts, and we will “get there again,” I’m sure.

More on my difficulties…

I am anxious an awful lot! But, what I describe as anxiety is much more than that. It’s psychosis (as far as I can tell), but I am not a mental health professional.

The people in my life seem to be there because they want to be, and since none of them are causing any harm, they are all welcome!

It has taken me years to fully understand and appreciate a non-toxic life. And, this has included years of learning how to implement boundaries, and know the difference between what is healthy and unhealthy for me.

Interestingly enough, politics has helped in clarifying what I personally believe and what others do as well. This matters a lot when it comes to protecting my mental health.

So, while I don’t discard the people who aren’t causing any harm, I do adamantly disagree with my friends who follow Conservative politics.

But, just because we disagree, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get along.

Some of my best friends and closest family members and I share different politics, and that’s okay!

As I spend every day, doing some kind of reading up on the state of our world, I do consider myself fairly well-informed.

But, that just means I’m not taking anyone’s crap!

Anyway, am I happier this way?

For being informed, yes. For what it is doing to me, probably not.

Are you informed and truly so? Do you consider yourself happy amid the world’s troubles?

Thanks for reading and I hope whatever holidays you celebrate or don’t celebrate, go well for you!

Sadly, Things Have Never Been Quite Right

I had a heck of a time growing up.

I never got along with other kids, and the few “friends” I had were just neighborhood kids, that were probably told to be nice to me.

I remember many, many times throughout K-12 being bullied and having to fight.

I was just very different from a lot of other kids.

Looking back, I can see that my parents were just as confused about various things in their own lives.

And, that led me to respect them and their journeys that much more!

It took me most of my 47 years to get to this point, but now I can say… I’m sorry mom/dad and I love you!

I only have one parent to say that too, but I also know that the other parent (who died some years back) would have understood (and did)!

My main desire for myself will probably never come to be, and that’s to remember life at a time when I wasn’t on meds.

While I am a big proponent of meds, I also know that they don’t fix everything. And in fact, they cause troubles with our day to day experiences. Especially anti-psychotic medications.

So, whatever you’ve been through, whatever your plight, please realize there have been thousands (if not millions of people) who have experienced what you’ve gone through, and ended up okay!

I am one of them! Even if I’d like for things to be different.

Why Having Mental Illness Constantly Feels Like Being In Survival Mode, Part 2

Back in February 2021, I wrote about some of my experiences of feeling like mental illness = survival mode.

I talked about reevaluating my medication regimen, as well as lowering my caffeine intake—and, all of this was six months ago!

Now to today…

With the help of my psychiatrist, I spent time lowering/raising my antipsychotic, adding/subtracting a second antipsychotic, and playing around with my caffeine intake.

All of this took time!

And, what I discovered is that “having a renewed perspective” has been key to my finding some level of peace again.

Like so many people, I find the cousin of peace—happiness—to be fleeting.

I’d much rather focus on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing—as those things do far more for me in the long run.

So, this is my way of not feeling like I’m in survival mode in August 2021—Focusing on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing!

What are some changes that you have implemented in your life—in order to feel more focused/less overwhelmed?

As I Approach My 400th Post And 400th Follower

I’ve learned that I can misunderstand things, I can be impulsive, and that I can flat-out be wrong!

And, I have these troubles A LOT!

I’ve also discovered, that because of the aforementioned, I might lose credibility with certain people.

And, that is bad, yes, but…

To all of this, I say… so be it!

I try and I try and (I hear a 4 Non Blondes song coming on).

But, I am about the sharing of information!

Some of what I put out there is good, some of it is not as good, but I try to be helpful whenever I can!

So, together, maybe we can each learn something that might be beneficial for all of our lives?

The pursuit of truth is all that matters TO ME!

Thank you for reading!

In General, Are My Comments Showing Up As Spam, Or Are People Deleting Them?

I am not talking about the occasional comment where I am upset (and the blogger removes my comment), I am referring to the comments that just aren’t showing up. At all.

If it’s a situation whereby you don’t want my comments on your blog, please stop commenting on mine.

If it’s that my comments are showing up as spam, then please check your spam folder.

I am not a spammer.

Have a wonderful day!

Hope With The Schizophrenia Disorders

I would like to streamline my life more.

I want to, but I can’t.

At least not now.

I try to make my life easier by napping when I need a rest, because that’s what feels good to me.

I know that’s not the advice that everyone here would give, but my symptoms become worse the harder I push myself.

I hate the position I am in.

I’d like to have a set schedule.

I’m at least trying to have a daily checklist.

I keep trying, because I want to be as good as I possibly can.

And, I am reminded that it’s the medications that aren’t all working, that make things way more difficult than what they need to be.

From what I hear… from what I’m told… there is hope with the schizophrenia disorders.

I believe that, and wish more progress for myself amidst this information.

How do you feel about getting along when the medication doesn’t quite work as it should? What kinds of standards have you set when your meds aren’t doing the job you’d like them to? What kinds of day to day standards have you set in general?

My Life’s A Mess

But, you know what?

I keep trying and doing my best.

My only concern is that it would be great to be more on-the-ball!

I feel sometimes I am going down the same dead-end paths.

What can I do though?

Aside from continuing to challenge myself, I don’t imagine much!

Do you feel as though you are making traction on your goals? Do you have a difficult time with consistency? What have you done to do better with being consistent?

How To Catch A Break Mental Health-Wise (A Poem)

Note: What works for me may not work for you (and vice-versa).

When I stop and think of reading into things, I must realize that that is, 9 times out of 10, my brain wanting to grab ahold of something unhealthy.

I have to accept that this is what’s happening, no matter how much I want to engage in that moment.

I must be stronger than my symptoms wanting to take hold!

It isn’t pretty when I entertain said symptoms, so I choose to stay busy enough in general, that I can sometimes catch a break.

In the moments leading up to my becoming overtired, it is important to move towards resting.

I’ve tried to avoid naps, but for me, that doesn’t help!

By lying down when it’s absolutely essential, it reduces the likelihood of my getting worse.

Taking the time for self-care does my body just as much good, as my keeping a running list of daily tasks.

So, I do what’s helpful for improving my mental health, and saving myself a lot of unnecessary pain.

What Are You Good At?

I am unusual for someone who deals with schizophrenia, in that in many instances, I am good with people.

It hasn’t always been this way, and things were a lot tougher, when I had next to no awareness that the way I dealt with people was a strength.

In the past, I’d attract all sorts of people, and many of them, I didn’t want as friends.

People were drawn to me, and what I often thought was, “hey, I made a friend!”

After years of working to be more assertive and create boundaries, I can now safely say, that I am no longer a pushover.

It continues to remain difficult, however, to maintain relationships due to the volatile environment of today’s society, and also due to my having trouble communicating (even though it is oftentimes a strength).

I don’t know if that all made sense, but my issues with communication have everything to do with my mental illness.

And with that, please tell me more about what you’re good at.