My Life Today (July 2022)

I started this blog just before the pandemic hit in March 2020.

I had several things I wanted to address for myself with this blog, and I feel that nearly 2.5 years into it, I have accomplished all of my original goals.

Some of what I was wanting to learn starting in 2020, was how my symptoms stacked up against other people struggling with schizoaffective disorder.

Of interest were my fears of the government, and what I needed to do to see some of those fears dissipate.

Also of note was me finding the sense of community I have found here on WordPress.

And finally, I wanted to share my lived experiences with severe mental illness with each of you.

To date, I have done all of that and more!

So, in this post, my focus is to share a bit about the life I’ve been living this past year.

My wife/partner and I moved to a different home a year ago (while opportunities were still good for both buying and selling a home).

We only moved across town, but at times, it feels like we changed cities altogether!

My wife works in a professional setting while I help to take care of our three dogs at home.

I am disabled due to having chronic mental illness, and life is not all that fun for me much of the time.

I actually live for the moments I get to spend with my wife, and try super hard to do my daily chores, as well as keep up with my personal hygiene.

Living a life with severe mental Illness is difficult (even though I don’t have a lot to do and have difficulty doing it)!

It often feels like I do have a lot though, because the tasks in question are such a challenge for me to complete!

In a nutshell, my life could be defined as my never giving up and trying no matter what the situation may be.

In closing, I like writing for my blog and hope you enjoy reading it!

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Were You Ever Hospitalized And Feel You Didn’t Need To Be?

Many days, Ashley from mentalhealthathome.org, writes thought-provoking posts, and today was no exception.

The topic was on the presence and absence of violent thoughts in people with severe mental illness.

I found it fascinating to engage with others about what makes them (and me) think, what I call violent or “obtuse thoughts.”

The consensus was that these thoughts, when we have them, can be cathartic, and are NOT indicative of who we are as individuals.

In fact, no one can control their thoughts, which leads me to the point of THIS post.

As I think about the days when I needed admittance to inpatient (and it has been awhile since then), I am questioning just how bad was I?

Well, it would seem that I did have everything from racing thoughts, to psychotic thoughts, to suicidal ideations.

I even tried to leave a moving vehicle on a few occasions on the way to the hospital.

So, the point of my taking this trip down memory lane was in fact to see, were my loved ones correct, those times they took me to the ER?

And thankfully, I believe they were!

I also want to mention a statistic that has been proven over and again, that mentally ill people are no more violent than that of the general population.

That said, were you ever hospitalized and feel you didn’t need to be?

My Three Favorite Solo Artists

I was into the music of Elton John as a young adult, and am now rediscovering him again.

Elton John does not disappoint!

He is on his farewell tour this year, but I don’t do concerts anymore.

Right along with Sir Elton John, I enjoy the music of Sarah McLachlan and that of Seal.

What makes these three artists so special?

Well, for me, it’s primarily their lyrics!

The stories they tell, aren’t always happy ones, but I find many of them to be relatable.

All in all, I give Elton John, Sarah McLachlan, and Seal 5/5 stars each!

I like lots of other musicians, but the aforementioned are my favorites.

Who are some of your favorite musicians and why do you like them?

Thoughts And Observations On My Mental Illness At This Time

I sometimes think I’m doing great—and, so much better than other people with my diagnosis.

And, while I believe I am doing pretty good overall, I struggle with basic hygiene, staying awake, getting enough sleep, bad dreams, and anxiety/depression/delusions/hallucinations.

It never seems to end really, but I keep hanging in there!

I also wish to help others who are struggling, since many of my symptoms are being managed (they haven’t vanished—hardly—but they are managed).

Blogging and being there for one another in cyberspace, is what I am here for. That’s what I signed up for.

That’s what this blog is largely about, helping myself as well as helping others.

So, to all those who are struggling right now—do hang in there. Be good to yourselves and give yourselves a hug, plus extra time to feel better.

A Winter Mental Health Update

Every day is tough!

My psychiatrist is trying to re-build rapport with me, after my meds were notably ineffective during a major life event.

I appreciate his efforts, and we will “get there again,” I’m sure.

More on my difficulties…

I am anxious an awful lot! But, what I describe as anxiety is much more than that. It’s psychosis (as far as I can tell), but I am not a mental health professional.

The people in my life seem to be there because they want to be, and since none of them are causing any harm, they are all welcome!

It has taken me years to fully understand and appreciate a non-toxic life. And, this has included years of learning how to implement boundaries, and know the difference between what is healthy and unhealthy for me.

Interestingly enough, politics has helped in clarifying what I personally believe and what others do as well. This matters a lot when it comes to protecting my mental health.

So, while I don’t discard the people who aren’t causing any harm, I do adamantly disagree with my friends who follow Conservative politics.

But, just because we disagree, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get along.

Some of my best friends and closest family members and I share different politics, and that’s okay!

As I spend every day, doing some kind of reading up on the state of our world, I do consider myself fairly well-informed.

But, that just means I’m not taking anyone’s crap!

Anyway, am I happier this way?

For being informed, yes. For what it is doing to me, probably not.

Are you informed and truly so? Do you consider yourself happy amid the world’s troubles?

Thanks for reading and I hope whatever holidays you celebrate or don’t celebrate, go well for you!

Sadly, Things Have Never Been Quite Right

I had a heck of a time growing up.

I never got along with other kids, and the few “friends” I had were just neighborhood kids, that were probably told to be nice to me.

I remember many, many times throughout K-12 being bullied and having to fight.

I was just very different from a lot of other kids.

Looking back, I can see that my parents were just as confused about various things in their own lives.

And, that led me to respect them and their journeys that much more!

It took me most of my 47 years to get to this point, but now I can say… I’m sorry mom/dad and I love you!

I only have one parent to say that too, but I also know that the other parent (who died some years back) would have understood (and did)!

My main desire for myself will probably never come to be, and that’s to remember life at a time when I wasn’t on meds.

While I am a big proponent of meds, I also know that they don’t fix everything. And in fact, they cause troubles with our day to day experiences. Especially anti-psychotic medications.

So, whatever you’ve been through, whatever your plight, please realize there have been thousands (if not millions of people) who have experienced what you’ve gone through, and ended up okay!

I am one of them! Even if I’d like for things to be different.

Why Having Mental Illness Constantly Feels Like Being In Survival Mode, Part 2

Back in February 2021, I wrote about some of my experiences of feeling like mental illness = survival mode.

I talked about reevaluating my medication regimen, as well as lowering my caffeine intake—and, all of this was six months ago!

Now to today…

With the help of my psychiatrist, I spent time lowering/raising my antipsychotic, adding/subtracting a second antipsychotic, and playing around with my caffeine intake.

All of this took time!

And, what I discovered is that “having a renewed perspective” has been key to my finding some level of peace again.

Like so many people, I find the cousin of peace—happiness—to be fleeting.

I’d much rather focus on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing—as those things do far more for me in the long run.

So, this is my way of not feeling like I’m in survival mode in August 2021—Focusing on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing!

What are some changes that you have implemented in your life—in order to feel more focused/less overwhelmed?