My Life’s A Mess

But, you know what?

I keep trying and doing my best.

My only concern is that it would be great to be more on-the-ball!

I feel sometimes I am going down the same dead-end paths.

What can I do though?

Aside from continuing to challenge myself, I don’t imagine much!

Do you feel as though you are making traction on your goals? Do you have a difficult time with consistency? What have you done to do better with being consistent?

Why Schizophrenia? Why Me? Why Not?

I cannot figure out why I am plagued with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. I just can’t… except for that fever that I got when I was around the age of two. Or, maybe a few other possibilities!

It’s that same fever that my parents argued over taking me to the hospital for vs. going to church.

What a damn terrible deal… for me!

My parents’ struggle must have been something awful… /s

Difficult to comprehend or imagine! /s

Yes, I need to get over all of the origin stories eventually, if I am to keep moving forward and progressing with my goals!

Because right now, I am stuck in “analysis paralysis,” and I don’t know how to be consistent!

And, that thing about energy… There is no magical way to get more of it!

All I want to do is eat and listen to music right now!

And, if it wasn’t the fever that caused me to have schizophrenia, was it the poverty? Or perhaps the distant family history of more than one family member having needing to, or who was actually sent to an asylum?

Things were different in the 19th century. Hell, things are still different 150-200 years later!

Are you holding onto any incidents that happened that may have (at a minimum), exacerbated your illness? What have you done to make peace with the situation(s)?

Sometimes, You Just Have To Say, “Phuck It!”

And, be prepared for both the good and bad consequences of your decisions!

Working through my fears has enabled me to finally have a blog that I can stick with!

I haven’t written much about facing one’s fears, but it is worth noting that you get a lot further by doing so!

That said, consistency is still a problem for me, and it has been ever since I became ill.

Is consistency something you flirt with, but have a challenging time achieving? How consistent are you?