My Dogs, My Music, and My Partner

I have three wonderful dogs, I listen to lots of music, and I have a loving partner.

In no particular order, these are the three things I involve myself with every day.

They each help me to be happy.

And, happiness takes work!

Now, to do better with my personal hygiene…

I wish that those of us struggling with severe mental illness had it easier in this realm.

There are other areas in which I struggle with my illness, and for the longest time, my goal has been to close the gap on the struggles that are in my control.

I’ve made some progress, but not nearly as much as I’d like.

For instance, right now I am very depressed. And, have been for a few weeks.

I haven’t been able to do enough to make things better for myself. I may get momentary relief, but that’s about it.

Is goal setting a thing for you when you’re symptomatic? Are you able to do things that bring you closer to accomplishing the things you want to accomplish?

I’ve Been Getting Into A Few TV Shows Lately

The shows are great, but I am reminded (especially with the reality ones), at just how far and away I am from living!

I’ve written about the fact that I want to live, before.

It is difficult not living, and I don’t believe that I will ever get to a point where I am alive again!

For me, this is a sad thing to think about…

And, when I see these reality shows on TV, it just makes things worse!

Granted, I know that the shows’ contestants tend to be highly motivated individuals.

I get that.

But, aren’t I highly motivated?

It just looks different I guess.

What kinds of things bother you (whether on TV or in print)? Do you feel like you’ve somehow lost at life?

Writing Grounds Me

It most certainly does—and, I take pride in it!

I can be feeling all sorts of “messed up,” and writing it out, changes much of that (if only temporary at times)—it does the trick!

Much of what I deal with is confusion.

I don’t know the rate of confusion in other forms of severe mental illness, but I can tell you that it is high in schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.

I know some of what contributes to my confusion is my meds.

And, there’s no real way around that, as I need my meds to get by.

Thus, I just do what I can!

Do you experience confusion as well? What are some of the ways you counteract being confused?

I Want To Live, But Due To My Illness, I Cannot

This is likely something that many of us are dealing with.

At least I am dealing with it, and I would like to hear from others, as to how they might relate.

I feel like I’ve lost so many years due to my mental illness, and I am still losing years.

For those in recovery, and having lost their jobs (in a lot of cases, having lost everything), I’d sincerely like to hear how regaining employment, will help you to “live.”

I mean, if you’ve had a definite remission of your symptoms, then I understand. A renewed sense of dignity? I get it.

For me, my symptoms have never been in remission. And, I can’t even volunteer because of them.

So, blogging about my life (its wins and its losses), will have to be my source of dignity.

Because I won’t get it from not showering or from not brushing my teeth enough. Or from losing a number of “friends” because I now have boundaries. And so on.

(I am reminded that at least I had “friends.”)

“Living” is what I find missing from my life. But, I also think of life differently today, then I did, say 20 years ago (which may account for the emphasis I put on “living”).

20 years ago, before my diagnosis, I had connection.

It may have been superficial and flighty, but I had it.

Today, I have some connection, but I can’t take care of myself worth a damn. So, it makes doing all the other stuff I did before, seem like I am missing out now, since I can’t do those things anymore.

Again, I’d like to hear from all of you about how you’re “living” your lives. What you’re doing, what it takes, etc.

That and I hope this post finds each of you well!