I Am Truly Realizing The Value Music Brings To My Life

I just spent much of yesterday evening, attempting to find stability with my thoughts.

And, the thing is… this is an every day occurrence… a lack of stable thinking.

I go round and round with the same cyclical thoughts.

I am doing all I can do to stay busy, but… I am just going to worry. And, I cannot stop the angst.

So, me being the forward thinking person I am… I created a music playlist of songs, that I really enjoy. Songs with meaning.

It would seem I like Adult Contemporary music the best!

What kind of music do you enjoy, and are you privy to making your own playlists? What is your approach to music appreciation?

Thoughts On ‘Trying’

First off, I am a pessimist, for now and likely forever. And, I’ve gotten here from educating myself on things and seeing how the world works. Especially things in the United States.

So, for me, getting organized in different places on my phone, online, and at home, has made a big difference!


Perhaps the most important thing to curtail my confusion though, has been this attitude, that, “it will get better if I just hang in there.”


Well, I’ve been hanging in there for quite some time (20+ years)! And, I am happy to say, that today, I challenge most everything!


If something doesn’t sit right with me, I question it! And, this has helped me while on the path of self-development…


So, self-development for a moment…


It has negative connotations, but again (for me), it just means I will try in spite of everything! In spite of every crummy, crappy, shitty, and difficult thing I go through (and there are many), I will try!


It is my hope that for those struggling, that you know A) I am barely holding on myself; but that B) I keep doing what I can to have a better life!


I see it like this… for years, I’ve been spinning my wheels, but I’m still alive! And, it takes me infinitely longer to do many things that some people can complete in an hour or two. And, I accept all of this!


However, I have a hope, that we can all get there. One day at a time… not necessarily to a place that doesn’t exist, but rather, to a place of greater understanding!

How have you reconciled change in your life? What have you done to make things better? What kinds of changes have you made that stand out for you?

Do This When You Can – “My Daily Checklist” (For World Mental Health Day)

Hey all,

I’ve been working on this template for the past year and I hope you find it useful!

It is quite difficult for me to complete many of these items most days; but, having a place for some of the most important items to me, can sometimes afford me a wonderful sense of accomplishment!

Alter the content in any way that helps, and please be sure to add plenty of inspiring images as well!

Also, consider returning to this post in the future, to let me know how the checklist has helped you.

—Mio Angelo

Alone With Myself And My Thoughts

NOTE: I thought about labeling this poetry, but I couldn’t decide.

All too often, I am alone with myself and my thoughts.

I can’t unload on friends and family every time.

I have to bear some of the load too!

But, I don’t do well unless I am sharing something with someone.

The pain becomes too bearable to handle otherwise.

Sometimes, I can distract myself with hobbies and with contacting a friend.

Other times, I would do good to leave the house.

But, I don’t. I stay put. Unless there’s an appointment of some kind.

How sad is that?

It’s not that I am afraid to go out, it’s that I don’t have the energy!

A song that’s sung all too often, I know…

Whatever it takes though, to get by in life, is what I will do!

It’s not over until I take my last breath. At which point it will be done.

Until then, it’s sharing my woes with all of you good people. And, trying to find better ways to cope.

Why Having Mental Illness Constantly Feels Like Being In Survival Mode, Part 2

Back in February 2021, I wrote about some of my experiences of feeling like mental illness = survival mode.

I talked about reevaluating my medication regimen, as well as lowering my caffeine intake—and, all of this was six months ago!

Now to today…

With the help of my psychiatrist, I spent time lowering/raising my antipsychotic, adding/subtracting a second antipsychotic, and playing around with my caffeine intake.

All of this took time!

And, what I discovered is that “having a renewed perspective” has been key to my finding some level of peace again.

Like so many people, I find the cousin of peace—happiness—to be fleeting.

I’d much rather focus on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing—as those things do far more for me in the long run.

So, this is my way of not feeling like I’m in survival mode in August 2021—Focusing on my diet, my sleep, and my breathing!

What are some changes that you have implemented in your life—in order to feel more focused/less overwhelmed?

What I’ve Realized About Suicidal Ideation And My Medication

Sometimes—a lot of times—I am down.

I have suicidal thoughts—with no plan—never really a plan—Just intrusive ideations!

I know, because I went some time without medication (while in the trenches), that even though I am treatment resistant, the meds keep me alive!

I repeat… the meds keep me alive!

Life is not necessarily great (there are moments though), but I do what I can, when I can, to make the most out of my life!

Oftentimes, making the most out of my life involves quite a bit of self-care.

And, even then, things are tough—very difficult to share/describe even.

I wish that I didn’t require all that I do to stay alive, and that my bad thoughts would just go away—Forever!

But, that’s not happening—So, I’ll take my life for what it is—and, do my best to make myself proud.

How do you relate to what I’ve written here? Do you care to share?

Another Update On My Mental Health

Recently, I wrote about how I am really struggling with my mental health.

Per my psychiatrist mainly, I’ve learned that the meds are not fully doing their job anymore.

I’ve also began really dissecting my thoughts, like never before.

And with all of this, I’ve come to realize, yes, I am doing better with medication; but, there is some resistance to treatment with regards to the efficacy of my meds.

This has been a long time coming.

So many people with severe mental illness struggle to be on meds that work.

I’m seeing that now more than ever before!

Thus, I know that the medication is why I am having such a difficult time overall.

What do I do? I mean, what can I really do?

As I’ve written previously, I am expecting to discuss my situation soon with my doctor and my wife.

My wife and I and other support people have already discussed this matter, so I have a lot to take to my psychiatrist in a few weeks.

I will keep you updated!

In the meantime, I will just say that I know the meds protect me quite a bit… but, they don’t clear up my instance of severe mental illness much at all.

I just want to feel better and I am afraid I’m going to continue to be stuck. For years possibly.

I hope I am wrong!

Have any of you ever felt stuck? What did you do to become unstuck?

The “Horrors” Of Pre-Psychosis

As a teenager, I watched horror movies.

I used to enjoy them. And, I think I thought parts of them were real!

As an adult, I confessed that in some of those movies, I actually believed there were actors who lost their lives (during the filming process).

I know it’s silly to think that! But, that’s what I thought for quite some time!

I no longer watch horror movies anymore (I barely watch movies at all, and only some television)!

I think so much time spent watching strange movies and tv shows when I was younger, had a definite impact on me.

At least, that’s what it felt like in retrospect!

I know I was (and probably still am) impressionable!

So, “turning off the tube” is how I do business today.

Do you watch a lot of movies and tv shows? Was there ever been a period of time where you did? What are your favorite genres?

What Are You Good At?

I am unusual for someone who deals with schizophrenia, in that in many instances, I am good with people.

It hasn’t always been this way, and things were a lot tougher, when I had next to no awareness that the way I dealt with people was a strength.

In the past, I’d attract all sorts of people, and many of them, I didn’t want as friends.

People were drawn to me, and what I often thought was, “hey, I made a friend!”

After years of working to be more assertive and create boundaries, I can now safely say, that I am no longer a pushover.

It continues to remain difficult, however, to maintain relationships due to the volatile environment of today’s society, and also due to my having trouble communicating (even though it is oftentimes a strength).

I don’t know if that all made sense, but my issues with communication have everything to do with my mental illness.

And with that, please tell me more about what you’re good at.

How Personal Development Has Been “Forced” On Me

NOTE: When I say “forced,” I mean that I elected this path of personal development, which has much to do with how I process the world around me.

Personal development has been something I’ve been doing for 25 years, with varying degrees of success!

What I am beginning to figure out is that much of my progress is not only “slow,” but the process (for me) serves as more “motivational” than anything else.

Since I’ve learned that motivation doesn’t last… a lot of what I am hearing from listening to personal development audios, is not really helping!

Again, I get the benefit of being motivated… for a little while… maybe a day at most…

And, these are my observations!

Now, how has personal development been “forced” on me?

From my earliest days of getting doused with motivation (at 20/21), things were not “right” with me!

I didn’t know it at the time… but, for much of my life up until and after this period of personal development dousing, I was highly anxious!

My entire life, in fact (and in retrospect), I had a lot of anxiety… A lot!

I can remember being questioned about my life “privately” in elementary school, by social workers.

They asked me questions about my home life, and accepted the answers I gave them. At face value even!

If I were a school social worker, and I was questioning kids about their home life… I’d probably have done my homework prior to speaking to them!

Anyhow, I know about budget constraints and about kids falling through the cracks… plus, this was in the early 80’s!

In other words, I was likely doomed from the get-go…

So, personal development was my earliest “go-to” for anything I needed to understand (and, “explain” this mad life to me)!

What are some important ways in which you’ve grown, through having mental illness?