My Life Today (July 2022)

I started this blog just before the pandemic hit in March 2020.

I had several things I wanted to address for myself with this blog, and I feel that nearly 2.5 years into it, I have accomplished all of my original goals.

Some of what I was wanting to learn starting in 2020, was how my symptoms stacked up against other people struggling with schizoaffective disorder.

Of interest were my fears of the government, and what I needed to do to see some of those fears dissipate.

Also of note was me finding the sense of community I have found here on WordPress.

And finally, I wanted to share my lived experiences with severe mental illness with each of you.

To date, I have done all of that and more!

So, in this post, my focus is to share a bit about the life I’ve been living this past year.

My wife/partner and I moved to a different home a year ago (while opportunities were still good for both buying and selling a home).

We only moved across town, but at times, it feels like we changed cities altogether!

My wife works in a professional setting while I help to take care of our three dogs at home.

I am disabled due to having chronic mental illness, and life is not all that fun for me much of the time.

I actually live for the moments I get to spend with my wife, and try super hard to do my daily chores, as well as keep up with my personal hygiene.

Living a life with severe mental Illness is difficult (even though I don’t have a lot to do and have difficulty doing it)!

It often feels like I do have a lot though, because the tasks in question are such a challenge for me to complete!

In a nutshell, my life could be defined as my never giving up and trying no matter what the situation may be.

In closing, I like writing for my blog and hope you enjoy reading it!

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

If You’ve Read Any Part Of My Blog, Then You Know…

That I make an effort every day to make my illness more manageable.

Yes, it is difficult, but I shall not give up!

I fight hard every day to have some semblance of peace and happiness.

I also have a partner who is sticking things out with me, and I with her.

There are no easy solutions that I’ve found involving chronic illness.

You just have to do your best and make the effort.

Even when things are tough!

Something that tends to make the day brighter is diet soda.

I know… that probably sounds funny. 🙂

But, I’ve recognized that five cans spread out over the course of eight hours, seems to do me good.

What about with you? What is your relationship with caffeine or even sugar? Tell us something about your approach to these chemicals.

Btw – If you don’t do caffeine, I’d like to hear about that too!

3 AM Thoughts

There is no easy way to say it.

For me, life is tough.

Not life can be tough or life is sometimes tough.

Life is tough.

So, having established that, I ask myself, “how can I make my life easier?”

Because, to some degree, I have power over my life and my life’s choices.

Things that are in my control, is where I will focus.

And, per my example today, I can control the words I use.

Words have power!

They are influential.

Words can make all the difference in how you are treated!

Words, however, don’t guarantee that you will be heard, but they are important…

I try and be encouraging when I can, but there are times (like in this post category), where I say whatever I am feeling, and I do that with my words.

I have learned that I get more personal satisfaction out of being kind (in a general sense), and by saying things in an inviting way.

Inviting as in, people will oftentimes entertain what I have to say, if I am, above all else, kind.

Not everyone is going to care about what I am saying, though, and that is evident in the words others use back to me (or don’t use back to me).

Anyhow, this is just an important observation about using one’s words, and doing so positively – which (admittedly), I sometimes struggle doing.

Were You Ever Hospitalized And Feel You Didn’t Need To Be?

Many days, Ashley from mentalhealthathome.org, writes thought-provoking posts, and today was no exception.

The topic was on the presence and absence of violent thoughts in people with severe mental illness.

I found it fascinating to engage with others about what makes them (and me) think, what I call violent or “obtuse thoughts.”

The consensus was that these thoughts, when we have them, can be cathartic, and are NOT indicative of who we are as individuals.

In fact, no one can control their thoughts, which leads me to the point of THIS post.

As I think about the days when I needed admittance to inpatient (and it has been awhile since then), I am questioning just how bad was I?

Well, it would seem that I did have everything from racing thoughts, to psychotic thoughts, to suicidal ideations.

I even tried to leave a moving vehicle on a few occasions on the way to the hospital.

So, the point of my taking this trip down memory lane was in fact to see, were my loved ones correct, those times they took me to the ER?

And thankfully, I believe they were!

I also want to mention a statistic that has been proven over and again, that mentally ill people are no more violent than that of the general population.

That said, were you ever hospitalized and feel you didn’t need to be?

My Three Favorite Solo Artists

I was into the music of Elton John as a young adult, and am now rediscovering him again.

Elton John does not disappoint!

He is on his farewell tour this year, but I don’t do concerts anymore.

Right along with Sir Elton John, I enjoy the music of Sarah McLachlan and that of Seal.

What makes these three artists so special?

Well, for me, it’s primarily their lyrics!

The stories they tell, aren’t always happy ones, but I find many of them to be relatable.

All in all, I give Elton John, Sarah McLachlan, and Seal 5/5 stars each!

I like lots of other musicians, but the aforementioned are my favorites.

Who are some of your favorite musicians and why do you like them?

A Winter Mental Health Update

Every day is tough!

My psychiatrist is trying to re-build rapport with me, after my meds were notably ineffective during a major life event.

I appreciate his efforts, and we will “get there again,” I’m sure.

More on my difficulties…

I am anxious an awful lot! But, what I describe as anxiety is much more than that. It’s psychosis (as far as I can tell), but I am not a mental health professional.

The people in my life seem to be there because they want to be, and since none of them are causing any harm, they are all welcome!

It has taken me years to fully understand and appreciate a non-toxic life. And, this has included years of learning how to implement boundaries, and know the difference between what is healthy and unhealthy for me.

Interestingly enough, politics has helped in clarifying what I personally believe and what others do as well. This matters a lot when it comes to protecting my mental health.

So, while I don’t discard the people who aren’t causing any harm, I do adamantly disagree with my friends who follow Conservative politics.

But, just because we disagree, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get along.

Some of my best friends and closest family members and I share different politics, and that’s okay!

As I spend every day, doing some kind of reading up on the state of our world, I do consider myself fairly well-informed.

But, that just means I’m not taking anyone’s crap!

Anyway, am I happier this way?

For being informed, yes. For what it is doing to me, probably not.

Are you informed and truly so? Do you consider yourself happy amid the world’s troubles?

Thanks for reading and I hope whatever holidays you celebrate or don’t celebrate, go well for you!

Sadly, Things Have Never Been Quite Right

I had a heck of a time growing up.

I never got along with other kids, and the few “friends” I had were just neighborhood kids, that were probably told to be nice to me.

I remember many, many times throughout K-12 being bullied and having to fight.

I was just very different from a lot of other kids.

Looking back, I can see that my parents were just as confused about various things in their own lives.

And, that led me to respect them and their journeys that much more!

It took me most of my 47 years to get to this point, but now I can say… I’m sorry mom/dad and I love you!

I only have one parent to say that too, but I also know that the other parent (who died some years back) would have understood (and did)!

My main desire for myself will probably never come to be, and that’s to remember life at a time when I wasn’t on meds.

While I am a big proponent of meds, I also know that they don’t fix everything. And in fact, they cause troubles with our day to day experiences. Especially anti-psychotic medications.

So, whatever you’ve been through, whatever your plight, please realize there have been thousands (if not millions of people) who have experienced what you’ve gone through, and ended up okay!

I am one of them! Even if I’d like for things to be different.

Genetic Diseases Suck

I wanted to share that I wrote three posts between yesterday and today, while accidentally having skipped a number of psych meds, that affect my disposition. But, at least I get certain things out!

There seems to be dementia on both sides of my family. Not to mention, mental illness, which I already have.

And, while I am obese (which obesity runs on one side of the family), I keep trying to find enough happiness/peace/stability, that I can do better with eating and exercising.

I’ve actually lost about 10 pounds since being sick with a cold. The cold is not Covid, and has helped me to realize I need allergy meds. So, I now have those.

Anyway, genetic diseases suck per the post title.

Some day, it will be within more people’s reach to cherry pick their offspring’s genes.

Since I don’t have that kind of money and have NO desire to have children, this is a non-issue for me.

And, while I’m thinking about it… I am damn proud! I am damn proud of the work I’ve done so far in life. I am damn proud of the awareness I sometimes have. And, I am damn proud that I could give a shit less about assholes (with particular attention paid to those I once knew, who have also wronged me).

It’s all good!

Day by day… 🙂

Have a good one!

How My Self-Recorded Reminders Are Helping Me

“Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours.”

And, you know what?

That’s just the type of thing I want to remind myself of where my schizoaffective disorder is concerned.

As the case is, I ruminate over some of the same things again and again, many days of the week.

So, I made a recording that addresses these issues once and for all!

You could alternatively name it, “Combatting The Voices.”

So, for anyone who wants to try helping themselves with some of their repetitive thoughts, I can recommend some great tools that will help with that!

For the mac or pc (even Linux)… Download and install Audacity (it’s free)!

If you want to record anything, Audacity is as good as it gets, and rivals the best paid-for applications on the web.

It’s safe, and it will do the job of taking your voice and making a copy of it to refer to in the future.

Optionally… if you want a microphone, you can pick up a USB mic, that will work with the mac, the pc, and (again) Linux.

Of course, you don’t need an external microphone, as many computers have built in mics!

Recording myself addressing the things I most need to be reminded of, is presently making an impact, and is steering me away from some of my suicidal thinking.

Whatever helps, right?

Exactly! And, who would have thought that recording affirmations/reminders for 20 years would help lay the foundation for when I found greater direction for my days?

How do you handle learning and self-improvement? What self-help techniques, aside from taking meds or going to therapy, are in your toolbox?