My One Year Blogging Anniversary

This week is my one year blogging anniversary!

With that, I am just wondering whether you think there is a need to change the name of this blog, or should I plan to keep it as it is?

I feel that I do a lot of sharing of information, and it seems a lot like a journal style offering, but I could really use your feedback (as I’m not entirely sure here)!

How do you take my blog? Has it evolved to the point where calling it Mentally Ill In America is no longer valid?

If I don’t change the name, it would be just as helpful to know how you generally categorize my posts!

I am a truth seeker first and foremost (I hope you know that), and it’s not aways about me, so please, please chime in! 🙂

Finally, I’m not sure what I’ll do if anything (maybe change my About page?), but thank you in advance for commenting!

Why Having Mental Illness Constantly Feels Like Being In Survival Mode

This is something that I started thinking about a few weeks ago.

Mental illness and the struggle that often accompanies it = Survival mode.

And, that sucks!

So, in the same time frame, I asked myself what can I do, to not feel like I’m barely getting by most days?

And, one of my suggestions was to reevaluate my medication regimen (and make any necessary changes), which I started doing a good month ago.

So, that is good!

Another suggestion was to lower my caffeine intake on a day to day basis.

And, that is proving to be quite difficult, but it’s a goal.

I do want to get there, where I’m sleeping well at night, and I’m drinking a lot less caffeine.

Thus, here’s to doing what I can to make that happen… and, for good!

An Update On My Mental Health

I am currently dealing with my schizoaffective disorder by taking 33% less of my antipsychotic.

My doctor and I are working together on this medication reduction, and I do feel a hint of more energy – 33% more – which means that I can do 1-2 more things a day on a ‘good’ day.

It’s still pretty pathetic… not being able to have good personal hygiene, as well as, do my chores!

It also remains difficult to find clarity, but I have found a bit more.

I think I was over medicated prior to this change!

And, all that I can do is put that behind me now, knowing that I am no longer over medicated.

So, as always, I’m taking my life a day at a time!

As well, I am experiencing psychosis in a slightly increased fashion, which is to be expected.

My job now is to learn optimal ways of coping!

Have you had any recent changes to your treatment plan, and how are you dealing with them?

Overcoming Barriers To Living One’s Life When Highly Medicated And Sleeping 12-14 Hours A Day

I don’t know where to begin, or how to make this all-encompassing, but here’s what I feel…

There is no precise way to overcome a lot of what I experience. Most of what I go through!

It will always be there with me.

In varying forms, I will always struggle!

But, how do you go about living? I mean, truly living your life?

Well, for some, they’ve found a way to both work with severe mental illness and manage their illness (usually with minimal medications).

I am far removed from this (as I need maximum doses of my medications).

I suspect people who are working with severe mental illness are struggling in various ways too! Perhaps similarly (or differently) than those who cannot work!

So then, what can be done to overcome barriers to living one’s life?

I am not speaking of specific barriers, although there are plenty.

I am talking mainly about how to function in spite of what is happening to me!

For me, I am often involved in conversation and my symptoms are as well!

And, what makes this particularly difficult, is that I cannot focus as well, around others, when my symptoms are bothering me.

What then, am I to do?

I just press on!

That said, I am not sure I am overcoming anything, except maybe how to carry on in spite of what I am feeling.

And, even then, it is inhumane to live such a dismal life!

I feel as though it will always be this way. And, I am tremendously saddened by that!

That’s why I am desperate to solve the problem of living my life, on some level, before I pass.

And, I am all but convinced that it can’t be done! Not by me… 😦

Have you employed any level of resolve, regarding “living” your life? Can it be done? How can it be done? What are some of your successes?

Why Schizophrenia? Why Me? Why Not?

I cannot figure out why I am plagued with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. I just can’t… except for that fever that I got when I was around the age of two. Or, maybe a few other possibilities!

It’s that same fever that my parents argued over taking me to the hospital for vs. going to church.

What a damn terrible deal… for me!

My parents’ struggle must have been something awful… /s

Difficult to comprehend or imagine! /s

Yes, I need to get over all of the origin stories eventually, if I am to keep moving forward and progressing with my goals!

Because right now, I am stuck in “analysis paralysis,” and I don’t know how to be consistent!

And, that thing about energy… There is no magical way to get more of it!

All I want to do is eat and listen to music right now!

And, if it wasn’t the fever that caused me to have schizophrenia, was it the poverty? Or perhaps the distant family history of more than one family member having needing to, or who was actually sent to an asylum?

Things were different in the 19th century. Hell, things are still different 150-200 years later!

Are you holding onto any incidents that happened that may have (at a minimum), exacerbated your illness? What have you done to make peace with the situation(s)?

The Medication Fiasco – Solved!

So, I have mentioned in various posts, that I am struggling with my medication regimen.

In short, I can stay awake the longest on the medication I am on.

I am on way too much of it though…

I guess somewhere inside of me, I thought there was a better solution to this fiasco!

But, we’ve tried… again and again!

Thus, the solution is to just keep on keeping on! Truly!

I know we all have our struggles with these illnesses (and meds), so I just have to keep doing what I am doing…

So, that’s what I will do!

Thanks so much for reading and being a part of this site! 🙂

What Schizoaffective Disorder Is And What It Isn’t (A Collaborative Overview)

In this post, I’d like to talk a little bit about my experience with schizoaffective disorder, as someone who is diagnosed and living with it.

If you have any amendments to suggest to this write-up, please make them in the comments!

Thank you!


What schizoaffective disorder is:

Schizoaffective disorder is a severe mental illness, that is basically schizophrenia, PLUS major depression OR bipolar disorder.

While it’s NOT clinically looked at as two separate illnesses, the tenants of the condition are formed with symptoms from two disorders.

Since those with mental illness, often experience different symptoms, I would like to share with you a bit about my experience, independent of what I personally go through symptom-wise, as I have already written about that extensively.

(Please go here for more on what I personally go through.)

Common illness related issues:

Anxiety

(Mania)

Depression

Delusions

Hallucinations

Non-illness related issues (that may be a contributing factor to getting schizoaffective disorder):

Abuse

Poverty

Trauma

Pre-disposed

I don’t believe in healing mental illness, but I do think we owe it to ourselves to do our best “when we can,” which to me, includes returning to (or becoming) ourselves, healing our pasts (to the best of our ability), and whatever is generally necessary to manage our mental health!

Again, this is an overview, and I would like it if you would make it a collaborative one!

Do you believe in complete symptom remission with schizoaffective disorder (or any other severe mental illness)?

For me, I don’t believe complete remission is possible.

Some people with chronic illnesses, may find a way to be contributing members of society, but I personally have not been able to do much of anything in that realm!

I am not lazy, stupid, or a leech; but, I do require high doses of medication and that makes volunteering and working impossible while that is the case.

(There are a lot of things going on with me actually, so again please go here if you want to read more about them.)

I would like to hear about your experiences with recovery, and whether working a full-time job is/was sustainable at given intervals in your life.

This is a post about hope, yes, but I want to do my best not to delude that hope!

Thanks again!!!

When Your Depression Looks Different Than What It Used To

Schizoaffective disorder is my official diagnosis.

A lot of times, my depression looks different, because I’ve become dependable and I don’t feel bad about myself (i.e. I don’t have poor self-esteem)!

Not that everyone who’s depressed, has poor self-esteem btw…

But, what symptoms do I have exactly?

Maybe this is a good discussion for my doctor!

But yeah, I have a lot of schizophrenia symptoms going on, and that is troubling too!

It’s been 20 years since I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

And, I hope that one day, I won’t need my meds!

Although, I know deep down, that that is an impossibility!