The Double Edged Sword Of Antipsychotics (A Poem)

They help, but they also stunt.
And, no one does more harm to me than what my illness does to me.
That being said, I know I need what the antipsychotic meds afford me.
I wish for more middle ground though.
I wish for more healing.
I wish for something other than what my life experience brings.
If I had the ability to pick up the pieces without harming myself any further,
That’s what I would do.
But, that isn’t going to happen.
And, that’s largely because of the antipsychotics and my illness.
So, I’m defeated now and ever since my life began.
Defeated on the one hand.
Triumphant on the other (or so I’m told).

I Am Struck (A Poem)

I am struck.
I am struck by my feelings that life is difficult.
So very difficult!

And, what if you DON’T have a chronic illness?
How is life then?

Oh, I just want to be well!
The way I feel just sucks…

I only see managing.
Management of a mental illness.

So yes, I am forced to deal!
I am forced to accept…
And, the like.

I think I’ll just sleep!
Sleep makes everything a little better.

Life Before Medication (A Poem)

The person I was before medication, is lost.
I am no longer “hanging out” like I once did.
And, when I look around at examples of people I know
who do not take meds,
I think that I am better off today.

Surely, there are those individuals who
won’t come around to my way of thinking
And, I understand that.
But, I can’t help my time-to-time thinking of the old me.
I miss that man.

Medication For The Fight (A Poem)

2021 has taught me
That some people with mental illness
Function fairly well on medication
I am “kind of” one of them, but not really

I am goal-directed
But, I am also struggling every day
The meds do help me to be hospital-free
They also assist me with certain thoughts

So, I do all I can with the resources I have
It’s one day at a time
And, while I may never beat schizophrenia
My symptoms could one day improve

Thinking Of Doing Less Advocating, And Just Seeing What Comes Down The Pike (For Future Posts)

No promises, but it’s a sad day; and, will I be able to stick to my guns?

I know this and if you’re reading my blog you know it too!

That it takes all kinds of people!

It also takes all kinds of circumstances and situations, and a plethora of things really!

Yes, I experience many symptoms of a severe mental illness.

WE KNOW THIS!

But, who TRULY cares?

Most people are happy you have the problems you have!

I don’t understand it, but that seems to be REALITY!

Thus, have I done much advocating for myself and others who have severe mental illness?

I think I’ve at least TRIED!

The problem, I have realized though, is that it’s all intertwined with politics!

In no particular order…

I am always going to be pro choice.

I am always going to be an ally of the LGBTQ community, plus I will always “defend” the marginalized (remembering that I am one of them)!

I will always a be a feminist, and an anti-capitalist (as capitalism stands today).

My vote will always be for progress, inclusion, and for doing the right thing in every instance (aka integrity)!

And, I will always stand against bullying, but stand for our Earth, honesty, and truth (although truth is highly subjective)!

Have I missed anything?!

If anything’s for sure NOW (aside from all of the above), I intend on engaging you, my readers, more, moving forward!

At this point, I’m not sure how, but I intend on hanging on to the blog for the duration… to offer something of value (I hope) for those who read it.

A Way (A Poem)

I once saw a way.
I felt a path.
I knew of a potentiality.
For me.
It was a different sort of route.
One that made me see!
I couldn’t imagine life any other way!
I will share my thoughts.
My feelings are accessible.
I am ready to go there with you!
Too bad it took me so long!
Never mind that though.
Together, we will set each other free!
Every day is a new opportunity!
For you and for everyone involved.

As Good As It Gets (A Poem)

For me, it matters that I try.
But, even trying will only get me so far!
I easily become tired.
I have very little energy to do things.
I guess this is my life!
This is the prize I’ve won!
Wonderful, right?
I’m the winner of a great life now!
And, I’ll let you in on a little secret.
It doesn’t get any better than this.
Whatever your personal THIS is!
That’s as good as it gets.

I Must Weather The Storm (A Poem)

I must weather the storm.
Today and every day.
But, I will get through.
And, it will happen again.
I sometimes wonder why.
I am not one for self-pity.
But, I do feel a lot of anxiety right now!
I know I am not alone, yet there are moments in my mental illness experience, that are difficult to discuss!
Call it a real low-low.
That and I’ll get through!

I Don’t Want To Justify, This Is Not My Bullshit (A Poem)

I don’t want to justify… nope.
And, I don’t want to bullshit.
Myself or you!
I want to be straight with us both!
Always.
That’s why I get intimate.
Transparent even.
Sometimes breaking boundaries.
Sometimes holding fast to them.
l continue to work on things!
You continue to work on things!
Maybe one day it’ll all go away.
Maybe it won’t.