I Am Struck (A Poem)

I am struck.
I am struck by my feelings that life is difficult.
So very difficult!

And, what if you DON’T have a chronic illness?
How is life then?

Oh, I just want to be well!
The way I feel just sucks…

I only see managing.
Management of a mental illness.

So yes, I am forced to deal!
I am forced to accept…
And, the like.

I think I’ll just sleep!
Sleep makes everything a little better.

Life Before Medication (A Poem)

The person I was before medication, is lost.
I am no longer “hanging out” like I once did.
And, when I look around at examples of people I know
who do not take meds,
I think that I am better off today.

Surely, there are those individuals who
won’t come around to my way of thinking
And, I understand that.
But, I can’t help my time-to-time thinking of the old me.
I miss that man.

Medication For The Fight (A Poem)

2021 has taught me
That some people with mental illness
Function fairly well on medication
I am “kind of” one of them, but not really

I am goal-directed
But, I am also struggling every day
The meds do help me to be hospital-free
They also assist me with certain thoughts

So, I do all I can with the resources I have
It’s one day at a time
And, while I may never beat schizophrenia
My symptoms could one day improve

Thinking Of Doing Less Advocating, And Just Seeing What Comes Down The Pike (For Future Posts)

No promises, but it’s a sad day; and, will I be able to stick to my guns?

I know this and if you’re reading my blog you know it too!

That it takes all kinds of people!

It also takes all kinds of circumstances and situations, and a plethora of things really!

Yes, I experience many symptoms of a severe mental illness.

WE KNOW THIS!

But, who TRULY cares?

Most people are happy you have the problems you have!

I don’t understand it, but that seems to be REALITY!

Thus, have I done much advocating for myself and others who have severe mental illness?

I think I’ve at least TRIED!

The problem, I have realized though, is that it’s all intertwined with politics!

In no particular order…

I am always going to be pro choice.

I am always going to be an ally of the LGBTQ community, plus I will always “defend” the marginalized (remembering that I am one of them)!

I will always a be a feminist, and an anti-capitalist (as capitalism stands today).

My vote will always be for progress, inclusion, and for doing the right thing in every instance (aka integrity)!

And, I will always stand against bullying, but stand for our Earth, honesty, and truth (although truth is highly subjective)!

Have I missed anything?!

If anything’s for sure NOW (aside from all of the above), I intend on engaging you, my readers, more, moving forward!

At this point, I’m not sure how, but I intend on hanging on to the blog for the duration… to offer something of value (I hope) for those who read it.

A Way (A Poem)

I once saw a way.
I felt a path.
I knew of a potentiality.
For me.
It was a different sort of route.
One that made me see!
I couldn’t imagine life any other way!
I will share my thoughts.
My feelings are accessible.
I am ready to go there with you!
Too bad it took me so long!
Never mind that though.
Together, we will set each other free!
Every day is a new opportunity!
For you and for everyone involved.

As Good As It Gets (A Poem)

For me, it matters that I try.
But, even trying will only get me so far!
I easily become tired.
I have very little energy to do things.
I guess this is my life!
This is the prize I’ve won!
Wonderful, right?
I’m the winner of a great life now!
And, I’ll let you in on a little secret.
It doesn’t get any better than this.
Whatever your personal THIS is!
That’s as good as it gets.

I Must Weather The Storm (A Poem)

I must weather the storm.
Today and every day.
But, I will get through.
And, it will happen again.
I sometimes wonder why.
I am not one for self-pity.
But, I do feel a lot of anxiety right now!
I know I am not alone, yet there are moments in my mental illness experience, that are difficult to discuss!
Call it a real low-low.
That and I’ll get through!

I Don’t Want To Justify, This Is Not My Bullshit (A Poem)

I don’t want to justify… nope.
And, I don’t want to bullshit.
Myself or you!
I want to be straight with us both!
Always.
That’s why I get intimate.
Transparent even.
Sometimes breaking boundaries.
Sometimes holding fast to them.
l continue to work on things!
You continue to work on things!
Maybe one day it’ll all go away.
Maybe it won’t.

A Few Good Hours (A Poem)

This is where I am at.
I want to have a better quality of life, while alive.
How do I do that?
“Do the work and still die,” is the best I have come up with.
And, this is quite my reality. It’s quite a lot of other people’s reality too!
It takes everything I have, just to recognize the patterns and behaviors that are painful, and that may be holding me back.
And, change?
That is an animal!
What I’ve come to recognize, is that I fight for a few hours of decent functioning every day!
A few “good” hours is all I get.
My mind deceives me, and it has no trouble showing me, just how bad off I currently am!
The energy it requires just to “breathe” amid a chronic illness, is a whole lot more than what “regular” people require.
I am not stuck, I am cursed.
I am cursed with bad genes. I am cursed with a bad life experience.
But, most of what I try is a band-aid. At best!
So, when I die, there will be no more suffering!
And, from day to day, a few “good” hours is all I get.

Nobody Can Deny (A Poem)

A light.
At the end of this tunnel.
Freedom.
Within my reach.
Spreading good vibes.
Everywhere.
A life worth so much more than this!
How will I make it?
My destiny!
My chosen path!
I go at this somewhat alone.
Maintaining a sense of calm.
With a life.
That is dull but not empty.
With a life.
That is broken but not lost.
Preceded by a sense of happiness.
Which nobody can deny!