What’s Left? (A Post + Poem)

NOTE: The poem is at the bottom of this post.

I am a truth seeker and truth teller and have schizoaffective disorder (which was caught early and I have been taking medication for it for 21 years). And, I am as much of an open book as is possible, without embellishing my lived experiences with chronic mental illness.

With that, I intend on keeping things real for my readers.

A little more about the nature of severe mental illness…

A lot of people with severe mental illness struggle with addiction. It’s commonplace actually.

In my early 20’s, I drank. No drugs. And no meds (although meds came at the age of 27 for me).

At 47, I live as much of a low-stress life as I can, and that is due to the toll severe mental illness takes on me.

Now, there are some bloggers on WordPress who have schizophrenia and are living a fulfilled life (that is their claim). And to them, I say… keep on!

There are also some people here with schizophrenia, who are battling addiction. And, I say to them… stay in the fight!

For me personally, I am somewhere in the middle in terms of what I am doing and what I am able to do.

I require a pretty high dosage of antipsychotic medications. And, every time I try to go down on any of my meds, it isn’t long before I have to return to high dosages.

And, I’m on good meds! They are preventing me from experiencing a high degree of psychosis/instability, which might otherwise land me in the hospital.

The downfall to the meds and this illness though, are that many people (if they even take the meds), have very little energy. Especially those individuals taking high dosages of the medication.

I don’t have the ability to be on the go like I did in my early 20’s, when I was self-medicating, which if you are predisposed to mental illness, only worsens your mental health.

So, while some people on WordPress claim persistence (in fighting schizophrenia) gets you a fulfilled life… that is true, but it also isn’t! And I’m left feeling like there’s more to the story!

Schizophrenia is not an illness whereby people are flourishing or (in some cases) even living a life that is completely devoid of alcohol and drugs.

Schizophrenia is a serious and debilitating disease, that if you’re doing the right things, you’ll get by. Maybe even (partially) make it! And, it’s entirely possible that many of your needs will go unmet as well!

It’s far from easy dealing with severe mental illness, and I for one, will not make it seem like it isn’t an every day battle!

In closing, the content below is a part of my worldview. So, if you want to dismiss it, you’re free to do that if you like.

What’s Left?

I am a liberal. I take issue with nationalism, capitalism, racism, and the war on women. Things in my country are not good. Nor are they going to get better soon.

When the masses embrace anti-intellectualism, and you have to search far and wide for some semblance of peace, health care, and sensibility within your country; then you know democracy is barely standing.

Even when everyone’s rights have been taken away, people will not see the value in science or education. They will never realize they voted for the wrong people.

Meticulously Living An Honest Life

This is not about mental illness, or maybe it is.

But no, it’s not. Trauma maybe.

And, while I’m at it, living honestly, doesn’t make your mental illness go away!

I am not sure what prizes sharing any of this wins me. And, I am also not sure as to whether I’d want them.

So, we’ll go with no prizes.

The more open-minded, more aware, more “awake” one is, you can’t help but notice that we are fighting a war against the anti-intellectuals of our time. And, it’s probably not going to end well!

Here in the United States, the conservatives are mad at everything, and the liberals are too!

However, the liberals aim to focus their anger in constructive ways.

The liberals use science and reasoning (intellectualism) to make their way through life, which conservatives could give a rat’s ass about those things. They’ve got “god” and conspiracies, and they’re pissed!

Because after all, the conservatives are the chosen one’s doing “god’s” work!

The whole thing sucks! And I just wish more people had insight, and knew the consequences of their actions!

We make everything so political/about religion, and politics suck, and so do politicians!

For me, it’s that you have to (wisely) pick the lesser of two evils.

And, if you look at things from a purely decency/human rights perspective in 2021, that should be easy.

Finding Meaning In The World Today

I don’t care what religion (or non-religion) it is you practice, but in America… Christianity (for example)… is tied eerily closely to the right!

For that reason, it has become increasingly difficult for me to understand why! Just, why!

Why do I believe?

Why are displays of “Christianity” becoming so ridiculous beyond measure?

It ultimately makes me question the process of finding meaning (through religion) in the world today!

I am educated on many religions, and I understand the hold that the right has on Christianity.

I also understand how mixing politics with religion is not only dirty, but it’s the only way the Republicans can exist today!

At least it was before the current president…

Everything has now become a free for all!

The whole thing cheapens what religion stands for, when it’s so closely combined with politics.

All I am left with is that mainstream Christianity’s following is all the same.

Fine for you maybe… but, far from fine for me!

For me personally… the only way I can operate is to believe in something that’s not really supported!

And, what I mean by this is… I believe in Jesus, and what Jesus stood for!

But, my interpretation of the Bible may not be the same as yours!

Whether any god is real or true or has ever existed, means less to me than the movements that attempt (and, do an effective job) at turning me away from my belief in the Christian god.

It’s all just so discouraging for those who want to follow an institution of value.

Do you have any thoughts on what’s happening in the U.S. with regards to Christianity (or any religion for that matter)? And, how are politics and religion intertwined where you live?

Today I Thought That Bernie Sanders Dropped Out Because Of My Blog

I hate this shit. Truly.

You can’t make this stuff up!

I thought (and still wonder) if Bernie dropping out has anything to do with my blog.

Yes, I know that Sanders dropping out of the presidential race has nothing to do with my blog. 

But, what’s interesting is the belief that lingers, that hangs around, looking for some type of validation.

I hate schizophrenia. I absolutely, unequivocally hate this disease.

And, that brings me to a question I have.

What makes one person with mental illness, more functional than someone else who also has a mental illness?

The diagnoses can be different, and so can the functioning.

I’m just looking for a little clarification as to why people’s suffering is so “all over the place.”

Thanks and have a great day/night!