I used to believe I was doing my best by holding my thoughts captive.
And, now I believe this philosophical approach is not so good for me.
But, how do you change the very thing that made you who you are?
In terms of my personality, I’ve always been “deep.”
From adolescence to present day, I’ve always been a “thinker.”
But, now I’m tired of “thinking…”
I’m just tired of mental illness to be straight!
I’m bothered by some of my behaviors, which I’ve began viewing as symptoms of the illness (rather than my being witty, intelligent, or clever).
During the half dozen or so times I was inpatient, I can recall a range of these behaviors:
From not talking to talking, from being polite to being belligerent.
Simple, yet revealing (at least to me)!
This was and is my illness. And, it’s still the pattern I’m involved in today (although I’m not belligerent anymore).
I’d love to end this post by asking some witty, intelligent, or clever questions… but, my tolerance level for my own bullshit has pegged the V/U meter.
That, or as I’ve already said, I’m just tired!