What do I mean?
I wish I wasn’t plagued with severe mental illness, and wish I had a lot more control over my day to day.
After my first series of psychotic breaks, I neglected to take medication for two plus years.
It was during that time that I was at university, and knew that I was different. Profoundly different… in retrospect.
I was walking around in the world and was actually quite ill. And, I was without meds.
My experience went unnoticed. If for no one else for sure, but me.
University is an interesting time for many, but I wasn’t able to make healthy connections for the life of me!
And, my performance at university was bad!
I graduated with the bare minimum GPA of 2.4.
My attempts at being social usually equated to self-medicated alcohol binges. And, a lot of embarrassment!
Today, I know my oldest regret was that I wasn’t as good as them back then.
I didn’t have to be like them. I did need to make my college experience more within the range of what “I” needed though.
I needed to make my college experience more about my future… a future that is now seriously fucked!
Yes. A lot of what I describe in this post may seem “normal” for that period of time in someone’s life… but I was and continue to be severely mentally ill.
Regrets? Yeah, I’ve had a few.
How about you and some of your regrets? Would you care to share a few?