Hope With The Schizophrenia Disorders

I would like to streamline my life more.

I want to, but I can’t.

At least not now.

I try to make my life easier by napping when I need a rest, because that’s what feels good to me.

I know that’s not the advice that everyone here would give, but my symptoms become worse the harder I push myself.

I hate the position I am in.

I’d like to have a set schedule.

I’m at least trying to have a daily checklist.

I keep trying, because I want to be as good as I possibly can.

And, I am reminded that it’s the medications that aren’t all working, that make things way more difficult than what they need to be.

From what I hear… from what I’m told… there is hope with the schizophrenia disorders.

I believe that, and wish more progress for myself amidst this information.

How do you feel about getting along when the medication doesn’t quite work as it should? What kinds of standards have you set when your meds aren’t doing the job you’d like them to? What kinds of day to day standards have you set in general?

“Overcoming” Needs To Be Discussed More Frequently

There’s a lot of people who don’t feel what I feel day in and day out. Maybe 99.5% do not, according to the research.

And, it’s not like there’s a scale for schizophrenia!

Schizophrenia is an illness that you clearly have or you clearly don’t.

You either are (or have been symptomatic) or you’re not. You’ve had a psychotic episode or two or three etc., or you have not!

I guess I’m sharing this because I have come to meet people over the years who don’t deal with severe mental illness in the way that I do.

Oh well! Life definitely sucks more than I want it to!

Still, I choose to dwell on how much I’ve overcome along the way! That’s the only thing that gives me peace and/or satisfaction anymore.

I can’t do it all the time, but remembering my illness-related accomplishments does seem to help!

How about you? What kinds of things have you overcome while being ill?

Who Has The Most To Benefit From Lying?

I was reading about recovery in schizophrenia. And, quite honestly, there is a lot that doesn’t add up.

One site on the subject says that 25% of first episode psychotic break, go on to recover.

On the same site, they say that another 25% go on to almost completely recover after a first episode psychotic break.

I’m sorry, but I feel like someone is lying!

No one with severe mental illness works harder to be more functional than me, and I do it with meds, I do it with a schedule, and I do it lacking a great amount of energy.

I just don’t feel like an almost full recovery can be accomplished in the majority of cases after a first psychotic break.

And, for those who don’t know, the other 50% do not recover in any marked way, according to these types of sites.

So, I ask myself, who has the most to benefit from lying?

And, the answer is simple.

The organizations that promote wellness and recovery have more to gain from touting around bad statistics than the individuals doing their best, living with these diseases, day in and day out.

If you have severe mental illness, I don’t suggest handing in the towel or quitting, but I will caution those who will listen… it takes a lot of work to get where even I am, and I am far from being recovered.

I hope this post is received in the spirit it was intended.

Have a nice day/eve!

I’ve Been Getting Into A Few TV Shows Lately

The shows are great, but I am reminded (especially with the reality ones), at just how far and away I am from living!

I’ve written about the fact that I want to live, before.

It is difficult not living, and I don’t believe that I will ever get to a point where I am alive again!

For me, this is a sad thing to think about…

And, when I see these reality shows on TV, it just makes things worse!

Granted, I know that the shows’ contestants tend to be highly motivated individuals.

I get that.

But, aren’t I highly motivated?

It just looks different I guess.

What kinds of things bother you (whether on TV or in print)? Do you feel like you’ve somehow lost at life?

When Your Depression Looks Different Than What It Used To

Schizoaffective disorder is my official diagnosis.

A lot of times, my depression looks different, because I’ve become dependable and I don’t feel bad about myself (i.e. I don’t have poor self-esteem)!

Not that everyone who’s depressed, has poor self-esteem btw…

But, what symptoms do I have exactly?

Maybe this is a good discussion for my doctor!

But yeah, I have a lot of schizophrenia symptoms going on, and that is troubling too!

It’s been 20 years since I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

And, I hope that one day, I won’t need my meds!

Although, I know deep down, that that is an impossibility!

I Am Fearful

NOTE: I sometimes deal with the following angst, as a result of my psychosis. And, having high anxiety doesn’t help matters.


I have to tell you…

I am stressed about the election.

And, I don’t trust my government as things stand…

There is lots going on with me!

I wonder where my country is headed.

I know things are not good!

We are not going to do well…

I purposely haven’t said a whole lot about politics on this blog!

But, less than a month ago, the leader of the free world, walked out of a 60-minutes interview saying, “I’m the President and you’re not!”

I can no longer scream, “What is going on, America!?” I just have to assume people are dumb!

Medication And Psychosis Prevention

This post is in response to Ashley of Mental Health At Home’s review of “My Beautiful Psychosis,” earlier this morning.

After reading her review, I wanted to share some of my post psychotic episode/hospitalization experiences. But, with an emphasis on prevention!

It’s been awhile since I’ve been hospitalized…

I keep a low stress environment and when things get out of hand, to get help, I turn to someone close to me and share my situation (as it’s unfolding).

I have not gone to the extremes that a complete absence of medication is often responsible for… In any sort of “I am a danger” psychotic sense!

Why?

It’s the meds.

And, to boot, I am on near max dosages of every one of three medications, used to treat my schizoaffective disorder (depression type).

Also, for me, I still have symptoms. Every day. They’re just not as pronounced as what some other non-medicated people with schizophrenia, experience.

Like, say, when you’re in a psychotic episode or being treated on an inpatient ward (as Ashely’s book review seemed to point out).

How has medication changed things for you? Are your mental health symptoms present, but not as pronounced (as they once were)?

Something That Must Be Said

I have a not-so-common mental illness (schizophrenia), and the people I’ve known my entire life are resentful of me, because I am on disability, and they are not! It’s a sad situation! My family doesn’t need the support. They are not Ill in any way. So, I am all out of fucks to give for these toxic pieces of shit!

When You’re High Functioning, Your Problems Might Get Overlooked

I have schizoaffective disorder, and I am to a degree, high-functioning (whatever that means).

And, I can’t tell you how alone I feel with how I get along in the world today.

For years, family and friends have been all degrees of abusive towards me.

Granted, some of these individuals didn’t know they were being abusive, but I feel as though most of them did!

If you’re somehow jealous of someone with severe mental illness, you have you very own unique brand of stupid going on. And, I for one hope you get schooled.

But, the truth is, that you likely will not.

I have come to learn that there is not a whole lot of justice in the world today.

Some people believe in karma. I do not!

I will not waste a bit of my time, thinking that so and so will get theirs someday.

What’s the use?

If you were unaware of how bad you were being treated (as I was), when you woke up, how did you handle it?