I Think A Lot About How I Function

I don’t do that well!

The difference between now and at any point in my life before I was diagnosed, is significant!

I just want to be able to be more consistent in my day to day life!

I have a schedule… one that I’ve been working on for quite some time.

And, I am experimenting with the number of hours I sleep every night.

I really don’t see an end in sight to my suffering though…

I’d like to be transparent with you!

Mental illness has robbed me of a lot!

That said, I have a lot too!

A wife, her family, my mom, a dog, this community…

How cool is that?

All of it!

It’s all great!

I am seriously grateful for the people (and dog) I count on, to help brighten my day!

I just would have liked my life to turn out differently.

I would have liked to have been a therapist.

But, I don’t function all that well with what I am dealing with, and there is zero let up of persistent symptoms.

FYI There aren’t many people with schizophrenia leading therapy groups.

Peer groups, perhaps…

But, not all out therapy sessions!

Oh well…

These are just my thoughts!

And, I have accepted my situation for what it is…

I recognize that many people are not doing what they would have enjoyed doing, if given the chance.

As for me… this is what I can do!

So, I am doing it!

What’s It Gonna Take?

As I sit here in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I am reminded that I have a good 20-40 years left of my life—if that (and, if I’m lucky)!

And, this is entirely contingent upon my lifestyle/life choices.

I am obese and I have been for 20 years.

And, it all started with my psych diagnosis.

God bless psychiatry, though, which brings me to my question regarding my health and life, “What’s it gonna take?”

What I can tell you, is that it’s going to take my continuing to at least “try.”

I can distract myself all I want with other things—in order to not think about the deeper questions in life—but, the fact remains—I am dying!

All of us are—from the moment we set foot here.

Now, at this point, obesity is my main physical problem, so…

What matters, is my quality of life while I’m alive, which let’s be honest—for myself and a lot of others—our quality of life sucks!

So, the question really is—again—“What’s it gonna take?”

The answer—for me—to at least “try!”

When Suffering Makes You Good

Nothing has helped mold me more than suffering. Nothing.

Suffering, to me, is how we become better people.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but I can tell you (in a generic sense), that suffering has made me “good.”

Now, I have plenty of piss poor thoughts in my head, that I chalk up to being human. And so, that is to be expected.

“I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.” — Joseph Baretti

What are some things that you think classifies a good person?