Reliability And Symptom Reporting

I don’t know about you, but I am not always reliable with my accounts of things.

I do my best, to the point, that I think I know what I am saying… but, clearly all of us are wrong from time to time, and I’m no exception!

I am sure this happens with symptom reporting too!

Also, I am talking with my doctor more regarding my medication concerns, which is good.

As always, I start with “one day at a time,” and go from there…

How are you at reliability as it pertains to symptom reporting?

BTW Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it.

Much Of The Social Media Positivity Out There Is BS

As someone who has worked on themselves for 25 years, I can tell you that, a lot of this social media positivity, is bullshit.

I am better at spotting it than I used to be.

I am better at following things that do matter.

One day at a time and I try to have some semblance of peace, of happiness.

It’s not easy, but I persist nonetheless.

Something that helps to keep me going is that I know I’ll die anyway someday. And, I may as well do all I can while I am here!

What keeps you going in life?

Mental Illness And Trauma

I am tired. I have been fighting schizoaffective disorder symptoms for 20 years. And, I feel like it never ends!

I try very hard. I make the effort. And, while I haven’t always been where I am at today, where I am at today, at times, sucks!

Thoughts of death and suicide pervade my mind and experience. I want to be better, to be well.

And, for the record, all I want to do with this blog is to show everyone what severe mental illness is like, to give them a peek at the difficulties some of us face!

Also, I am working on healing traumas that I am identifying… And, that is good! 🙂

So, while it’s probably “mission accomplished” on one hand… There is always more work to do!

What have your goal(s) been with your blog? And, how have you reached them?

Symptoms That Trouble Me And How I Deal With Them

I am troubled by my delusions and hallucinations.

As someone who has chronic mental health issues, I absolutely hate getting “stuck” with, in many cases, having to ”connect the dots.”

Imagine if you will, that you have affixed your attention, on a person (or persons), and you all of a sudden, begin to think that they don’t like you, or are out to get you, or that they have ill-intentions where you are concerned.

It is tough, and it happens a lot for me!

It comes from out of nowhere seemingly, and unfortunately, sticks around for hours sometimes.

As a result, I am often forced to get a “reality check” from someone close to me.

All I can say is, this is exhausting!

I do what I can to be “talked down,” but I absolutely hate thinking ill of people who haven’t committed any atrocities towards me.

Until science does one better, my meds are all I’ve got.

And, they are far from perfect!

What are some of your core symptoms? And, in what ways do you deal with them?

Having Grace In The Worst Of Situations

NOTE: As with my no longer posting on politics, I am no longer planning to post on (new or old) family matters.

This is my final post in that arena, as I have learned that all of the above can be triggering for me.

Due to poverty, a lack of education, ignorance, and the way that all of our parents were raised, my cousins and I were/are severely messed up!

My dad and his siblings were so brainwashed by their parents, that my dad, missing church was more important than tending to my health (which I nearly died of a 107 degree fever at two years old).

Now today, I have schizoaffective disorder as a result of my dad’s negligence.

And, there were also numerous problems with how my cousins were raised as well!

Do I forgive all of these adults? Do my cousins forgive them?

I can’t speak for my cousins, but all of us are forever affected by all of these “decisions!”

But, yes, I forgive—for me (and no one else).

I just wouldn’t expect me to have “trust” for any of these people again.

Addressing This Subject Matter One More Time

This post is not directed at anyone in particular. It’s just how I am feeling about what I have been trying to convey, over the past 101 posts on this blog.

I did not come here to play favorites with the severity of mental health diagnoses. If you check, I actually spent a lot of time early on discussing chronic mental illness. This approach may or may not change.

And, I want to say that you don’t have to like me or agree with my experiences, but if you’re inclined to… please don’t push any “recovery” views on me.

In my blog, I share my experiences with “recovery,” and how, because of my symptoms, there is very limited hope for me… a person with chronic schizoaffective disorder.

I’ve been living with this disease for 20 years, and there is no “recovery” for people with my illness. Our most invasive symptoms just do not disappear. My most invasive symptoms just have not disappeared!

Again, my symptoms have not gone away. At all.

I am sorry if that threatens you and your place on this planet. To be frank.

But, I speak the truth… about the schizophrenia type disorders only.

As someone experiencing one especially.

I am also sorry if you think my attitude sucks, that I’m misinformed, or that I’m full of shit.

There is no “recovery” for schizophrenia for me, and the other 90% of people who have this disease!

It’s a farce to think that it will all be better some day. Because there is evidence to suggest otherwise.

Acceptance is knowing your situation, and knowing that it does get better, but that being symptom free is a stretch.